What to do with all that bronze?

Aargh … we’re in the middle of another Bronze Age.  But this one’s different.

It’s all about what we can do with the 1500+ Confederate symbols scattered across the country… of which 750+ are Confederate war statues.

Ideas are pouring into the central office of Seriously Absurd with the “sound and fury” of a Willie Shakespeare play.

Excuse me … I gotta head to the “Throne Room” and brainstorm what to do with all this s**t!


One suggestion … replicate the Amarillo, TX Cadillac Ranch featuring the statues buried ass-up with heads in the sand … or maybe vice-versa?  Nope … we’ve got 750+ statues and the Cadillac Ranch is only 10 ‘Lacs large!

Another … smelt down the statues and shape the molten metal into doorstops for all the Trump properties.  Nope … we know he’d never pay the final bill!


But of course … Here’s the winner … Florida’s #1 commodity … theme parks!

Ta Da! … Johnny Reb’s Guns & Galleries … a new Florida theme park!

It’s a sure shot to be another major draw in Central Florida’s unending “War for the Tourist Buck.”

Take over one of the many struggling Florida malls … massive land parcels readily available … ample parking … crying for investors.

Not to give away too many details, but the purveyors of White Hate could solve several of their problems in one central spot … and it would all be legal!

Pssst … don’t tell them they’d be paying taxes.  That’d royally piss ‘em off!


JR’sG&G … a legitimate outlet to vent pent up negative behavior and emotions!

Jobs! Jobs! Jobs!  Suitable for undereducated & unskilled white males!

EZ Gun Sales … use Florida’s weekend “Gun Show Loophole” and get your weapon on-the-spot!

Florida’s the “Vacation State” … indoctrinate your progeny at an early age with discounts for repeat visits.

Hone your hate and bile skills at Johnny Reb’s Guns & Galleries.


It’s “Eden-esque” for Civil War statues.  Scattered throughout JR’sG&G, it’ll be like they never left home!

Visit the Disney knock-off “Hall of Dissidents” … see and hear your favorite historical Southern Treasonist and his plan to overthrow the “US Gubmint!”

And be sure to stop at Ford’s Theatre to catch the Abe Lincoln Assassination … a special one act play featuring live actors!


What better way to expose hate in our society than to monetize it in the klieg lights of an amusement park …  capitalism and Johnny Reb’s … they kinda go together!

Just sayin’ …

6 thoughts on “What to do with all that bronze?

  1. Congratulations, Richard! You’ve once again (almost) solved an extremely weighty issue! (Though it seems you may have lost your marbles in the process. Or your granite. Or your Sandstone….because an equally large number of monuments to the “Lost Cause” – and I’m not talking about equal pay for equal work – were carved in stone rather than cast in bronze.) BUT YOU CAN SOLVE THAT, TOO! After all, you’ve been between a rock and a hard place before…and with your seriously adroit absurdity, I know you can crush it.

    • Hi TL … And “crush it” I will. Sledge in hands and wham away … soon you have enuf crushed rock to improve the drainage of any garden.

      If Sheriff Joe were still around, we could send the granite to his jails and let his pink underwearing prisoners bust up the pedestals … inside work and we wouldn’t need to chain them together anymore!

      The real rub is that many of the statues were “white zinc” not bronze … much cheaper and supposedly less maintenance. Saved on the cost of Brasso!

  2. Also a solution is needed for the overeducated, underskilled white males with an overweaning sense of entitlement.

    • Hi Gail … Aaargh … don’t ya just hate listening to over privilliged arrogant know-it-alls? Once I discovered them in the office I solved it easily by suggesting that their talents would be best utilized with a boss who appreciated what little they had to offer and then send them to “human resources” for re-assignment.

      Sure am glad I’m not working now … I hate it when they start crying. thanks for reading …

  3. Hey Steve … thanks for reading … great idea … I want to be either Stoned Wall Jaxson” or “Bobby E. Lee” … we can stop this civil war impersonating horse shit and be live chess pieces for the games …

    As we move from one square to another, we can repeat a famous civil war phrase, or motto … something historical like “Gut shoot those blue belly devils!” which no one said, but who cares … it’ll spark up the match.

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