You would think that I’d finally get a handle on celebrating Thanksgiving. Afterall, I’ve eaten turkey at the big table for almost ¾ century.
And another one’s right around the calendarial corner.
Maybe I’m overly cynical … but don’t cast your vote until after you’ve read my Thanksgiving “reality exposé.”
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For many folks it’s all about the happiness of “over the river and through the woods to ___________’s (fill in the relative) house we go.”
But for a lot of us, the thought of spending a long weekend with family relations results in colossal hives.
Hey … what’s wrong with a high-tech Turkey Day visit via Skype? You can see each other and either party can hang-up to enjoy the rest of the evening.
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If you can’t wait to see your relatives and join in that great big familial hug fest, that’s great.
But even better would be if they lived within a 15 minute drive of your home … AND, you’re not hosting or housing the event.
And because you can’t cook worth a damn you thought the pumpkin pie from the local supper market would be just fine … until your snarky sister-in-law unveiled three pies made from the pumpkins she harvested from her own organic garden.
This is the same sister-in-law who last year announced at the dinner table that she was a Vegan and “couldn’t possibly touch anything that smelled of the sea, sported feathers, or stood on four legs.”
The look on your mom’s face … that was worth the trip!
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I haven’t even mentioned that your father now hates the NFL because the players kneel during the national anthem … and as a protest he’s declared Thanksgiving to be “Football Free!”
That should put your Fantasy Football Fanatic hubby in a great mood.
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Did you tell your son, who’s headed to the local community college after he graduates from high school, that his cousin’s been accepted at Harvard next year?
I know … silently you hope the little turd’s prepubescent balls freeze off in his first Cambridge winter.
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Aaah … Thanksgiving … we really do have so much to be thankful for … I’m just not sure it’s best celebrated with all the family.
Unless you can dash into the den and pour another 100 proof Wild Turkey … that’s a big bird you can love!
Happy Thanksgiving!
Just sayin’ …