Crap … it’s Thanksgiving … again!

You would think that I’d finally get a handle on celebrating Thanksgiving.  Afterall, I’ve eaten turkey at the big table for almost ¾ century.

And another one’s right around the calendarial corner.

Maybe I’m overly cynical … but don’t cast your vote until after you’ve read my Thanksgiving “reality exposé.”


For many folks it’s all about the happiness of “over the river and through the woods to ___________’s (fill in the relative) house we go.”

But for a lot of us, the thought of spending a long weekend with family relations results in colossal hives.

Hey … what’s wrong with a high-tech Turkey Day visit via Skype?  You can see each other and either party can hang-up to enjoy the rest of the evening.


If you can’t wait to see your relatives and join in that great big familial hug fest, that’s great.

But even better would be if they lived within a 15 minute drive of your home … AND, you’re not hosting or housing the event.

And because you can’t cook worth a damn you thought the pumpkin pie from the local supper market would be just fine … until your snarky sister-in-law unveiled three pies made from the pumpkins she harvested from her own organic garden.

This is the same sister-in-law who last year announced at the dinner table that she was a Vegan and “couldn’t possibly touch anything that smelled of the sea, sported feathers, or stood on four legs.”

The look on your mom’s face … that was worth the trip!


I haven’t even mentioned that your father now hates the NFL because the players kneel during the national anthem … and as a protest he’s declared Thanksgiving to be “Football Free!”

That should put your Fantasy Football Fanatic hubby in a great mood.


Did you tell your son, who’s headed to the local community college after he graduates from high school, that his cousin’s been accepted at Harvard next year?

I know … silently you hope the little turd’s prepubescent balls freeze off in his first Cambridge winter.


Aaah … Thanksgiving … we really do have so much to be thankful for … I’m just not sure it’s best celebrated with all the family.

Unless you can dash into the den and pour another 100 proof Wild Turkey … that’s a big bird you can love!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Just sayin’ …

13 thoughts on “Crap … it’s Thanksgiving … again!

  1. Another great essay Richard. I love your rants and recollections, keep em coming. Thanks for the laughs.

    • Hey Rachel … thanks for the encouragement … I appreciate that you take the time to read … and comment.

      With everything going on daily, it’s like pickin’ low hangin’ fruit to find a topic. Some of it, however, is so awful, that even I can’t poke fun at it.

  2. Richard: As your unofficial personal alchemist, allow me to prescribe multiple Thankstinis, an ancient potion consisting of potato vodka, cranberry juice and turkey bouillon cubes. Mix. Drink. Repeat. Often.
    Mari: Please ensure that all kitchen cutlery is safely hidden from the self-basting Big Bird mentioned above for at least 24 hours before AND after all holidays.

    • Wow, TL … The Thankstini sounds fabulous … I’d use the turkey bouillon in the same portions as one would use Vermouth! The “repeat often” is the key.

      My carving privileges were curtailed about 20 years ago … I still don’t understand why! I’m a whiz with a knife.

  3. Good point, Richard. It is hard to be thankful around people who trigger long-time resentments. Hang in there, though. We will know we’ve become realized beings when we can give thanks for THOSE people too.

    • Hey Gail … Thanks for reading … I’ve never had a problem being thankful “in absentia.” It’s just the problem of getting along with them in the face-to-face situation.

      It’s too easy to mash a face in the mashed potatoes! That’s usually a “dinner stopper,” if you know what I mean.

      Hope your T’giving is a happy one.

      • Blessings for your holiday too. Sometimes it helps me to picture a group of scrappy people as puppies playing, nipping harmlessly and meaninglessly at each other.

  4. Hmmm… wild turkey.. sounds more like…Old Grouse, sweetpea
    Roz, never met a pumpkin i didn’t like

    • Hi Roz … Thanks for chiming in … Old Grouse … hmm, that’s a tossup for good drinking. I’d forgotten about Old Grouse … gotta chase out an procure a bottle of the nasty bird … alternate between the two …

      Have a happy T’day …

  5. Good one – I think the football comment was perfect.
    With people moving out of town we’re down to six or seven for Thanksgiving, people we see all the time.
    So, after much discussion, it was decided to skip the major clean-up, the major shopping, the major cooking, the major angst, and go to a Thanksgiving buffet. Got good res’ and all.
    Now I’m being browbeaten because I don’t feel guilty that we will miss “the family ambiance”.

    • Hi Janie … Hey … Thanksgiving’s built on years and years of guilt! Being thankful requires a certain level of guilt … I try to keep it in balance … “thanks” to this one and “lay some guilt” on that one. That way I keep all the company on their toes!

      Sounds to me like you’ve solved your Turkey Day Blues!

      Just a reminder … it’s poor form to ask for a “To Go” box at a buffet … so no leftover turkey, cranberry, stuffing, slathered with mayo on a good thick whole wheat bread on Friday!

      Thanks for reading …

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