A new reality show’s stormin’ through our lives!
Cities across the US are soiling themselves … prostrate at the multi-billion dollar feet of Amazon’s Jeff Bezos … Tech’s answer to “The Greatest Showman.”
He’s turned Amazon’s search for a second headquarters (HQ2) into an Olympics site selection extravaganza.
And the “Grand Prize” is … to be the “Chosen One!”
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Chicago promised an “Amazon Sports Stadium” … they should’ve thrown in the Cubbies, the Bears and the White Sox. Who wants another stadium?
New York took a page from Trump protestors lighting-up the face of the Empire State Building in Amazon Orange! They should’ve done a light show on Trump Tower … “Orange-on-Orange!”
Sly James, Kansas City’s mayor on the Missouri side … ordered 1,000 items from Amazon and posted reviews for each one. If KC’s not chosen, will he return them?
Birmingham … posted photos of huge ugly brown Amazon boxes in front of downtown office sites. Clearly they’re still suffering from the taint of Judge Roy Moore. They’re out of the running … thank the gods!
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Unlike the Olympics, the winner of the Bezos Sweepstakes won’t be left with acres of shoddy housing … unusable rinks and stadiums … not to mention millions of dollars of debt.
Instead, “City Fathers and Mothers” may just find themselves in a deeper s**thole … to borrow a recently popularized phrase.
Ask the folks who used to live in the quaint areas of the Silicon Valley, San Francisco and Seattle. Now most are lucky if they can find a room for $1500/month.
The “E-tail Collosus” needs over eight million square feet … that’s a lot of conveyor belts, pallets and boxes. They estimate a work force in excess of 50,000 … that’s a lot of people to absorb.
And our US Postal Service is already “going postal” … trying to keep up with my Amazon habit!
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Given Bezos’ demographic requisites … I think Mount Dora has a shot at this insanity.
Population Center? We’re midway between the Florida coasts … part of the I-4 corridor … 1,000,000+ population. Check!
Education? Southern Tech right in our back yard … an undefeated UCF football team in Orlando. Check!
Transportation Hub? “Leesburg International Airport” 20 minutes away … rail service to Tavares. Double-Check!
Local Culture? We offer a carefully balanced blend of redneck and subtle sophistication … mixture of evangelicals and women’s marchers … retirees and young families … along with a sprinkling of LBGTQ and a modicum of homeless. Check!
And we can easily destroy our tacky citrus groves for expansion … Just ask Walt and “The Mouse!”
Just sayin …