A new reality show’s stormin’ through our lives!

Cities across the US are soiling themselves … prostrate at the multi-billion dollar feet of Amazon’s Jeff Bezos … Tech’s answer to “The Greatest Showman.”

He’s turned Amazon’s search for a second headquarters (HQ2) into an Olympics site selection extravaganza.

And the “Grand Prize” is … to be the “Chosen One!”

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Chicago promised an “Amazon Sports Stadium” … they should’ve thrown in the Cubbies, the Bears and the White Sox.  Who wants another stadium?

New York took a page from Trump protestors lighting-up the face of the Empire State Building in Amazon Orange!  They should’ve done a light show on Trump Tower … “Orange-on-Orange!”

Sly James, Kansas City’s mayor on the Missouri side … ordered 1,000 items from Amazon and posted reviews for each one.  If KC’s not chosen, will he return them?

Birmingham … posted photos of huge ugly brown Amazon boxes in front of downtown office sites.  Clearly they’re still suffering from the taint of Judge Roy Moore.  They’re out of the running … thank the gods!

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Unlike the Olympics, the winner of the Bezos Sweepstakes won’t be left with acres of shoddy housing … unusable rinks and stadiums … not to mention millions of dollars of debt.

Instead, “City Fathers and Mothers” may just find themselves in a deeper s**thole … to borrow a recently popularized phrase.

Ask the folks who used to live in the quaint areas of the Silicon Valley, San Francisco and Seattle.  Now most are lucky if they can find a room for $1500/month.

The “E-tail Collosus” needs over eight million square feet … that’s a lot of conveyor belts, pallets and boxes.  They estimate a work force in excess of 50,000 … that’s a lot of people to absorb.

And our US Postal Service is already “going postal” … trying to keep up with my Amazon habit!

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Given Bezos’ demographic requisites … I think Mount Dora has a shot at this insanity.

Population Center?  We’re midway between the Florida coasts … part of the I-4 corridor  … 1,000,000+ population.  Check!

Education?  Southern Tech right in our back yard … an undefeated UCF football team in Orlando. Check!

Transportation Hub?  “Leesburg International Airport” 20 minutes away … rail service to Tavares.  Double-Check!

Local Culture?  We offer a carefully balanced blend of redneck and subtle sophistication … mixture of evangelicals and women’s marchers … retirees and young families … along with a sprinkling of LBGTQ and a modicum of homeless.  Check!

And we can easily destroy our tacky citrus groves for expansion … Just ask Walt and “The Mouse!”

Just sayin …

Just a thought, but it seems the folks in Washington “working” at our behest could use sage advice from Joe Jones’ 1960 hit single … “You Talk Too Much.”

“You talk too much …You worry me to death
You talk too much … You even worry my pet

You just tal – al – al aa-al-alk …
You talk too much.”

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Politicians like to say “Kitchen Table Talk” carries the vote.

In the primaries, “Locker Room Talk,” man-splained Trump’s pussy grabbing.

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“You talk about people … That you don’t know
You talk about people … Wherever you go

You just tal – al – al aa-al-alk …
You talk too much.”

Recently we added “Average-Man-at-the-End-of-the-Bar Talk” … “man-splaining” the alleged practice of “Average Joes” trashing countries of immigrants “that they don’t know.”

And, thanks to GOP Senators Tom Cotton and David Perdue who man-splained the merits of shithouse vs shithole … while they busied themselves cleaning up 45’s lyin’ shit.

Shit’s shit as far as I’m concerned … and you’re responsible for your own shit.

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“You talk about people … That you’ve never seen
You talk about people … You can make me scream

You just tal – al – al aa-al-alk …
You talk too much.”

Looking back, we had “I’m not a crook” – Richard Nixon … “I did not have sexual relations with that woman” – Bill Clinton … and now 45’s … “I am not a racist.”

They all made me scream!

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“You talk too much … You worry me to death….”

Paul Ryan showed strength and character in a 2016 statement after Trump’s attack on Judge Gonzalo P. Curial … “…. [it] is sorta the text book definition of a racist comment.”

Paul Ryan on January 11, 2018 after 45’s “shithole comments” … “saying black and brown people come from ‘shitholes’ is very unfortunate and unhelpful.”

Hardly a worthy rebuttal to the racism expressed by the Leader of the Free World.

Lindsay Graham used “Tough Talk” during the 2016 GOP primary describing 45 … “I think he’s crazy.  …. a kook.  …. a xenophobe.  …. unfit for office.”

Where’s Lindsay now?

After learning the hard way that he can’t trust 45 … even  after a round of golf at Mar-a-lago … he was last spotted wandering through the Rose Garden mumbling, “Shithole … shithouse.  All I know is I’ve been shit on!”

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“You talk too much
You worry me to death.

You talk about people
That you don’t know.

You talk about people
That you’ve never seen.”

But the “talk” you don’t do … is “Straight Talk!”

Just sayin’ …

Just in on the HHL … HussHotLine.

After his “I-will-meet-anytime-anyplace showdown” with Bob Mueller, “45’s” positions on meeting have been doing 360’s like Linda Blair’s head in “The Exorcist.”  Sans projectile vomiting.

Lawyers for “45” are apoplectic.

They’re terrified he’ll impulsively slip out of the White House after scarfing down his two Big Mac, two Filet-o-Fish sandwich and chocolate malted dinner … for a clandestine slugfest with the one guy who can bring his kaleidoscopic reign to a screeching halt.

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The President’s lead lawyer, Ty Cobb, while sharpening his spikes and stealing second base, stated, “President Trump is fully prepared to go mano-a-mano with the #1 threat to the Free World … Attorney Robert Mueller.

He’s as hyped as Judge Roy Moore at a “Sweet Sixteen” cupcake party.  He really wants to get it on with Bob!”

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Asked if “45” would prep for the big showdown, Cobb rolled his eyes saying, “Of course.”

We’ve remade Rocky & Bull Winkle into six-minute segments of a Russia-Collusion-Conspiracy-Obstruction of Justice, mini-series.  He loves it … especially Natasha’s Eastern European dialect.”

He’ll be like, totally wired … and we’re not talking Diet Cokes, here.”

When asked to explain the concept of “totally wired,” Cobb just smiled and conspiratorially whispered, “Just you wait ‘Enry ‘Iggins … just you wait.”

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On the first day of their big meet, “45” shakes hands with Mueller and they seat themselves across the table in the Cabinet Room of the West Wing … each with a name plate … “45’s” bigger and lettered in gold.

After the preliminaries of name, date, location … Mueller asks the first question:

“Mr. President, did you or anyone on your campaign team collude with …. ?”

Before Mueller can finish, “45” jumps up kicking his chair from the table … his tiny trembling finger points at Mueller as he prepares to scream.

But all Mueller hears is a bellowed, “Mmmm-ararak-grriiiiilll-oooohmmm-screeeeekmeee-schmickishret.”

Gingerly falling back into his chair, “45” sucks in a deep breath and mumbles, “Mr. Mueller, I ………”

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Seated outside the Cabinet Room, Trump’s crack legal team look at each other with sneaky smiles and whisper … “I think we got just the right amount of zap to control ‘em.

Though, just maybe we should’ve placed the electrodes on his inner thighs instead of his ‘nads.”

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Just sayin’ …

Kaboom!  Kaboom! … fireworks explode …it’s the end of 2017 and the start of the New Year.

Slam that door on 2017… what a relief … a horrendous year!

Oops … we’re only seven days into 2018 and gobsmacked over the “fireworks” encountered.

Where to start?

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For sure The Weather Channel has overtaken the Dark Web as the source for threats to humanity.

As if we didn’t have enough to worry about with whose “nuclear button is bigger,” the riots in Iran, and “45’s” complete disregard for Russian digital attacks, we also started this weather year off with a “bomb cyclone.”

WTF?

Two words you never want to hear, “bomb” and “cyclone” … and when they form a compound word … grab your ass and run for cover!

Meanwhile the good folks at The Weather Channel repeatedly scream that more than 125 million people are threatened by this bomb cyclone … Ouch!

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On to Hollywood where we’ve got guys running around with their dicks in there hands yelling, “Now what am I supposed do with this damned thing?”

At the Golden Globes, the stars decided to dress in black showing solidarity for the “Me Too!” movement.  Good!

Better, would be to change the “red carpet” to black!

But I’m most concerned about the announced remake of “Cleopatra” … that Taylor-Burton classic.

“Dirty, bloody and lots of sex” … the words currently used to launch this extravaganza.  Promo I see … “Antony & Cleo get it on in 3D!”

Glad to see that the moral boost from Me Too! hasn’t raised the bar too high in Make Believe Land.

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I’m not even gonna try to go for “Fire and Fury,” Michael Wolff’s … BTW, great name for a literary hit-man … latest dose of Trump-life.

“Fire and Fury” … hmmm.  Haven’t we heard that phrase before?  Korea?

Is it just me, or do others see a connection here … Trump-Bannon-Wolff … lotsa money … Best Seller … mega publicity … three big time narcissists?

For “45” and 2018, it’s apparently just another day at the Trump Reality Show Circus.

If there is a merciful media god … who BTW has the biggest reality button … the show and the nuclear showdown will be cancelled midseason.

Just sayin’ …