The HitchBot’s Guide to the USA

I’m 10 years old.  Mom’s looking down at me saying, “Never … never ever hitchhike, Dickie.  There’re bad people out there who will pick you up, torture you, and then kill you.”

From that point … I’ve never stuck my thumb out to bum a ride.

Now my worst fear’s come true.

We have proof positive what happens to hitchhikers in the USA.  Just ask HitchBot …


Enter the Canadians … our seemingly carefree neighbors who gave us the Royal Mounted Police in their bright red coats and dorkie hats … half of Niagara Falls … hockey, ice cold Molson Beer, and Justin Trudeau.

They kept free healthcare for themselves … and still laugh at us.

But they did give us, for a brief period of time … HitchBot … and taught us the dangers of hitchhiking in the USA.


HitchBot … the creation of two slightly bent Canadian university scientists with a streak of moral turpitude … had limited language skills … could answer basic questions with whoever picked it up … a TV screen face … flexible legs and arms … and bunches of other digital crap that “robot-o-sists” know about.  It looked more like a Legoman than a robot.

The scientist team planned to have it hitchhike and create a socio-cultural record of its adventure(s).

And hitchhike it did.


Hitch first journied across Canada … over 10,000 miles in just 26 days … without a “hitch.”

Europe was next and Hitch hitched throughout Germany with a bonus trip to The Netherlands, focused on Amsterdam … lucky Hitch.

A US cross country trip was planned … why not?


Hitch left Boston with stops in several Massachusetts hot spots … then bopped down to The Big Apple where he survived the streets of Manhattan before heading to the “City of Brotherly Love” … Philadelphia.

Love those Philly Fanatics.  The City of Brotherly Love showed just what could happen when attempting to “bum a ride.”

HitchBot abruptly quit transmitting and was ultimately found … dismembered in the gutters of Philly.


Many felt this attack was the result of angry Philadelphia Eagle fans … this happened in 2015 … not 2018, their Super Bowl win year.

Some offered that it was a “Hate Crime” directed at … gulp … Canadians.

Others surmised that it was an “act of patriotism.”  Clearly this makeshift “robot” was just an inferior-digital-Tinker-Toy foisted on America without a valid visa … and, therefore, deserved what it got.


Me?  I think it’s another of those life lessons my mother tried to teach me … one that took only 65 years to learn.

Just sayin …

7 thoughts on “The HitchBot’s Guide to the USA

  1. Hmmmm. In crisis moments like this, I tend to pull out MY BIBLE….Douglas Adams’ “Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy.” It explains EVERYTHING! For example:
    “Far out in the uncharted backwaters of the unfashionable end of
    the western spiral arm of the Galaxy lies a small unregarded
    yellow sun.
    Orbiting this at a distance of roughly ninety-two million miles
    is an utterly insignificant little blue green planet whose ape-
    descended life forms are so amazingly primitive that they still
    think digital watches are a pretty neat idea.
    This planet has – or rather had – a problem, which was this: most
    of the people living on it were unhappy for pretty much of the time.
    Many solutions were suggested for this problem, but most of these
    were largely concerned with the movements of small green pieces
    of paper, which is odd because, on the whole, it wasn’t the small
    green pieces of paper that were unhappy.”
    So if the Canadian HitchBot was happy little robot…it was doomed from the start!

    • Aha, TL … Thanks for reading and commenting … your reference to THGG is almost excellent … the answer is definitely not in the happy or unhappiness of the little pieces of green paper,but rather in the answer itself.

      And the answer is “42.”

      And according to Adams, “The answer to the ultimate question of life, the universe and everything is 42.”

      Now … if we just had the question …

  2. I love HGG… but I’m afraid our entry into the Guide is no longer “mostly harmless “.

    • Hi deb … thanks for reading and commenting … I think our entry into anything is “no longer mostly harmless.” That’s why I’m spending my remaining sleeping hours exploring the various meanings of “42.”

      I’m starting with the number Jackie Robinson chose for his baseball uniform … “42.” Did he know something we didn’t?

  3. My thots:
    we are a young nation
    a country of children and adolescents.
    Ever live with KIDS?
    They will act out!
    act up..etc.
    it’s the way they learn about a world in which the ADULTS live in houses (not communities) and work in offices and cubicles (outdoors?! a few hours) and LIFE IS TELEVISION (increasingly Social media😲)
    angry, foolish, stoopid… whatever

    • Hi Roz … Thanks for reading and commenting. Take “42” of anything healthy … maybe kale leafs, very small pieces of dark chocolate, thin slices of organic Manzanas … just example. make everything you do be in multiples of “42.” That’s the answer …

      But then, I don’t recall you asking the question or wanting the answer … but thanks again for reading.

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