Bat Boy … enraged over all the money thrown around salacious Trump affairs … is telling everybody that he’s totally pissed … and he’s contacted Special Counsel Mueller and the SDNY to schedule “tell all” sessions concerning his relationship to President Donald Trump.

Yes … that Bat Boy.

The one who first appeared on tabloid covers in 1992 … who starred in an Off Broadway musical in 1997 … and was photographed on top of a NYC subway in 2006.

Bat Boy … who entered the political arena in 2008 … initially endorsing John McCain for president but later switching to Barrack Obama when he regained his senses.

Also in 2008 … he popped up in organized protests for Prop 8 … can anyone even remember WTF Prop 8 was all about?

So long ago!

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But now with the public emergence of a character actually more despicable than he is, Bat Boy’s re-entered our world demanding that the Enquirer reinstate his spot on their cover!

“Who’s this Trump Bitch, anyway?” questions Bat Boy.

“I’ve graced more tabloid covers than he’s even thought about.  In fact, I may have been on more covers than Trump and David Pecker’s arch enemy … Hillary!”

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Bat Boy alleges his story will blow the minds … what minds they can claim … of the staunchest hard core Trump Supporters.  It’s guaranteed to capture more air time than The Donald even thought about.

“He’s met the Master of Reality TV.  I’ll make Apprentice look like amateur hour and nothing but bulls**t hogwash.

“Put my face on the screen and they’ll forget Omaroso-three-name, Michael “I Sing like a Coal Mine Canary” Cohen and even that slime-ball-scum-bag-tax- cheating-Commie-hugger, Paul Manafort!

“I’m the real deal … the truth will win out!”

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Bat Boy voiced total support for the flip of David Pecker.  “That Peckerwood Pecker’s just like Trump.  In fact … they both still owe me money.

“They promised me they would send me to world class surgeons … that I’d be welcomed at Miss Universe Contests … that world class Slovenian models would flaunt their bodies at me … “Celebrity Apprentice” babes would take one look and get naked!”

“And … what did I get?  Nothing … zilch … nada … zero!  Now it’s time to say … ‘Hello’ again!”

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“Yes, Donald John Trump … temporary President of the United States … now it’s time for me to say to the world … ‘Hi, Dad … bet you wish you’d used a condom!’”

Just sayin’ …

The truth’s out for the 1001st time … we have a balls-out seriously insane man lurching through the halls of our White House impersonating a US President.

Now he wants to go to alternative universes … as if he wasn’t already in one.

He’s entered the realm of surreal absurdity with a presidential push to create a 6^th branch of the US military … the Space Force!

No one’s had the guts to tell “L’Orange” that our “Space Force” already exists as the Air Force Space Command … operating from Peterson Air Force Base … with a command population of 38,000 people.

Fortunately, the Seriously Absurd crack committee … Military Expansion Planning for the Future … has stumbled on documents produced for President Dimwit.

Power Point … gobs of photos … words limited to make him smarter than someone’s fifth grader … describing the United States Space Force … USSF!

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Trump had so much success with “Trump U,” he wants to be the Commandant of the USSF Academy.

He’ll get to wear his designer academy military uniforms … featuring merit badges for his political successes … topped off with a tinfoil dunce cap.

And, there’ll be a football team … cheerleaders provided by the biggest losers in the NFL … the Cleveland Browns.

BREAKING NEWS:  We have the first USSF team cheer:  “Flim … Flam … Scam … Scam … We really don’t care … do you?”

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Dean of the Academy?  Mel Brooks … who else … producer and director of “Space Balls.”  With his anglicized surname, Trump’s got no clue that Brooks is Jewish.

Dean of the School of Rocket Science … Captain James Kirk … late of the Starship, USS Enterprise.

Dean of the School of Alien Contact and Visitation … Giorgio A. Tsoukalos … currently a consultant for the debunked History Channel series, “Ancient Aliens” … the home of pseudoscience and pseudohistory.  Damn the facts, full steam ahead!

Dean of the School of Interstellar Culinary Replication … Neelix … from Star Trek: Voyager … culinary artist and master of the Replicator … think 21^st Century 3D Printing.  Guns & pizzas for all!

According to Commander Trump, “I love all these guys … they have a face for TV, all their teeth and more than ½ a brain … which is more than I can say for my Base!”

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A Trump re-election PAC’s already launched Logo selection.  Only donors get to vote.

So it looks like Trumpians have found yet another way to raise money off the government … plus there’s no promise they’ll use the “most popular logo.”

The GOP’s finally enacted “Pay to Vote” … all credit cards accepted … good luck all you suckers!

Just sayin’ …

I can hear the Poultry Police now … “Okay Lady, drop the chicken!  Put your hands in the air and step away from that chicken!”

Sound crazy?  Not so much.

You never know who out there’s a Chicken Hugger … or worse, a Chicken Licker … or Kisser!

The next person you pass on the sidewalk, or offer a friendly hug … or worse a peck-peck on the cheeks … may be, could be … a Chicken Hugger!

And before you get your gender-bias-panties in a wad, understand that the statistics … yes there’s data … indicate that overwhelmingly women are more apt to fall into the category of “Chicken Huggers and/or Kissers” than are men!

A big feathery thank you to the Seriously Absurd crack Backyard Chicken Farmer Data Collection Team!

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The Centers for Disease Control predicts that we may be in for a challenging battle with a pesky zoonotic disease outbreak!

Aha, you say … WTF is a zoonotic disease?

Well, SA and the CDC have that answer … zoonotic diseases are the ones that can be passed from an animal to a human.

And, yes Ms. Backyard Chicken Farmer … that includes your pretty little flock of cute and cuddly peeps and cluck-clucks … the Typhoid Mary’s of at least 10 of the main zoonotic diseases.

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The recent suburban rage of backyard chicken farming and the subsequent anthropomorphizing of said birds have the CDC … and this Blogger … very concerned.

It’s one thing to make sure your coop’s clean enough for your chickens.  It’s another thing to be cuddling, kissing and licking your birds.

Live chickens are not … I repeat … are not “finger lickin’ good” … in spite of what that fat, old, white, Southern Colonel tells you!

And lips that have brushed a chicken … shall not brush mine!

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I know it’s cute and a lot of fun to name your birds.  And they do help control the gecko population.

We know you surreptitiously give them the run of your house.  And for the umpteenth time, you invite them to share your lap and La-Z-Boy to watch the 2016 release of “Chicken People” … which BTW earned top ratings from the Rotten Tomatoes movie critics.

But … the fact is they’re still chickens … they scratch around in chicken s**t … they eat bugs … they peck in their droppings … and I’ve never seen one in a bird bath.

Which gives new meaning to that hackneyed expression … “You dirty bird!”

Just sayin’ …