Thanksgiving’s over … all the turkeys have let out a collective sigh … and put away their “Eat Mor Chickin’” signs!
We can focus now on the Xmas season!
Given the climates … political and real … I’m not sure we’ll hear these old standards this year … “Santa Claus got stuck in my chimney when he came last night ….” or, “Baby, I wanna trim your beautiful Christmas tree ….” and not even the fabulous, “I know what he wants for Christmas ….”
Now, the atmosphere is much more Seuss-ian … and no one spells it out more clearly than Seuss himself … are we sure he didn’t know Donald Trump?
You’re a mean one, Mr. Trump
You really are a heel
You’re as cuddly as a cactus, you’re as charming as an eel, Mr. Ha-rump
You’re a bad banana with a greasy black peel!
You’re a monster, Mr. Schlump
Your heart’s an empty hole
Your brain is full of spiders, you have garlic in your soul, Mr. Ga-rump
I wouldn’t touch you with a thirty-nine-and-a-half foot pole!
You’re a foul one, Mr. Schtump
You have termites in your smile
You have all the tender sweetness of a seasick crocodile, Mr. Ga-lump
Given a choice between the two of you I’d take the seasick crocodile!
You’re a vile one, Mr. Schrunk
You’re a nasty wasty skunk
Your heart is full of unwashed socks, your soul is full of gunk, Mr. Schpee-lunk
The three words that best describe you are as follows, and I quote
“Stink, stank, stunk”!
You’re a rotter, Mr. Gunk
You’re the king of sinful sots
Your heart’s a dead tomato splotched with moldy purple spots, Mr. Poh-dunk
Your soul is an appalling dump heap overflowing with the most disgraceful
Assortment of deplorable rubbish imaginable, mangled up in tangled up knots!
You nauseate me, Mr. Crunk
With a nauseous super “naus!”
You’re a crooked dirty jockey and you drive a crooked hoss, Mr. Up-chunk
You’re a three decker sauerkraut and toadstool sandwich
With arsenic sauce!
My posthumous apologies to the Good Doctor … I tried but could not come close to matching his words and style … so I only changed the name of the accused.
Just sayin’ …