Southerners have a saying left over from their unfortunate ass-whuppin’ many years ago at the hands of some Northern Invaders … I’m not talkin’ about Canadians … I’m talkin’ about those “Damn Yankees.”

Many still say it proudly … though now mostly under their breaths.

“Forgit, Hell!”

That slogan became the slogan of the South on May 9, 1865 … the day the South surrendered to the North ending our Civil War.

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I thought 153 years of post armistice “makin’ nice behavior” would actually assuage those feelings and smooth things out.

But recently, I read about some trickery and chicanery that once again has aroused age-old and deeply buried Southern hostility.

We’re talking about that “galdern Alabama Poop Train!”

Yep, folks … an actual trainload of human defecation sent to the lovely rolling hills of northern Alabama from none other than that den of total iniquity … New York City!

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According to one resident at “Poop Zero” … the small town of Parrish, AL … “It felt like the Northerners were trying to pile messes on the Southerners.”

And Southerners are just plain tired of cleanin’ up other folks’ messes!

To prove that they aren’t fools … when a Parrish policeman was told that the 10 million pounds of partially processed human waste was “harmless,” he retorted … “Well, if it’s ‘harmless’ why don’t they just dump it up North?”

That’s tellin’ ‘em and givin’ ‘em “what’s for!”

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I can see it now …  a bunch of conivin’ Yankees sittin’ around and musing … “Gee, I wonder where we could get away with dumping a few million pounds of s**t into someone’s back yard?”

“I got it,” yells one stubby cigar smoking bureaucrat.  “We’ll send it to Alabama … they ain’t got s**t down there!”

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And before the towns surrounding the Blue Sky Landfill … sounds kinda “resorty” to me … could ask, “Who’s gonna pay our Lysol bill?” … a train load of big-assed-Yankee-doo-doo sat for two months … in the sun … ripening up … while folks argued over where all this s**t was going.

Well … there’s nothing like a train load of stink in your backyard to get your attention that somethin’s outta whack … and you gotta fight it.

And fight it the folks of Parrish did.

Truckloads hauled it all away … and when asked about where it was goin’ … Parrish’s answer was, “We don’t care.  It ain’t our s**t!”

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Rumors are that Alabama’s new state flag will proudly display a new slogan … “Don’t Poop on Me!”

Just sayin’ …

Lowes is selling Xmas decorations … Xmas music’s blaring on Sirius Radio … and Hallmark’s started their 2018 Xmas movie series.

The “Holidays” are here … ‘tis the Party Season!

So … it’s time we addressed a critical issue … “double-dipping.”

We’re not talking ice cream cones here … and, who knew double-dipping could cause such a furor?

Select your dipping chip … scoop dip … put the dip-laden part of your chip in your mouth … chomp … talk a bit … pause, turn and plunge your remaining gummed chip for a rerun.

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Immediately heads spin and whirl as if exorcized … eyes bulge … tongues wag … fingers point … shunning begins.

And you know many of those finger-wagging-party-goers are the same one’s who put their unused flatware back in the drawer instead of the dishwasher.

Or worse … rinse off the free chopsticks from their Chinese takeout … slipping them back into their little paper case for a rerun.

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The health impact of double-dipping’’s been extensively researched.

Though we’re not talking cancer, heart disease, or obesity depth of research … science has looked into this nefarious act of “bad, bad manners.”

For those of us who don’t live on the cutting edge of hygiene practices, the act of double-dipping is way overrated as a cause of the plague, polio, herpes, VD, or even the common cold.

“Show me the evidence,” you say?

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Give a “Shout Out” to Clemson University … and a real but probably obscure independent … “Germ Scientist!”  Both studies pointed out important details.

Crackers hold more mouth bacteria than chips.

More mouth bacterium lingers from a double-dip into cheeses and creams.

Salsa’s the way to go for D-D’s (Double-Dippers) … a double-dip into acidic salsa is “almost harmless.”

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The fact is, from head to toe humans are germ farms.  And on average, we touch our mouths, ears and eyes over 3,000 times daily!

You’re far more likely to “catch a bug” from hand shaking … hugging … touching door knobs … or looking at photos of adorable grandkids and pets on someone’s “filthy cell phone.”

Based on this info … double-dipping’s more of an argument for bad manners than it is for mimicking Typhoid Mary!

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So unless you go to your holiday parties in a full-body condom, don’t be throwing down on me … should you catch me “double-dipping.”

Just sayin’ …