Warning! Warning! We have a “fatberg” in DC

What’s composed of fat, flushed waste … is yuge and biggly, clogs and blocks systems … costs millions of dollars to manage … and it does not temporarily live in the White House?

If you didn’t think I was being truthful and you guessed “You-Know-Who,” then you’d be wrong.

Though they have a lot in common, I was referring to a current 21st century waste management problem … hmm … which also sounds very familiar to our temporary resident in the White House.

We’re talking about a neologism coined in 2013 and added to the Oxford Dictionaries in 2015 … it’s the dreaded “fatberg.”

And apparently no one’s immune to fatbergs … urbanites, suburbanites and “ruralites.”


If your mind’s not a part of our worldwide sewer system, you might not be aware that a “fatberg” is the mastodon of sewer clogs.  Fuh-ged-about your plumber’s helper plunger on sale for $5.72 at WalMart, as your “tool of choice!”

Think of your own 6” line running from your bathroom(s) to either your septic tank or street side sewer … only bigger … much, much bigger.

The most recent fatberg to make the news was discovered in Sidmouth, England … a heretofore little known seaside town that’s now known more for it’s Leaning Tower of Pisa sized clog of sludge, oil, defecation, Wetwipes, Tampons, condoms, and anything else dimwitted humans choose to flush down the loo.

The Sidmouth behemoth is 210 feet long … longer than six busses lined up.  That’s a lot of s**t!


Sure the Brits have enough to worry about with Brexit … talk about another type of “clog” in the system.

But the poor Brits aren’t the only ones dealing with this 21st century sci-fi sewer monster.

Baltimore, Denver and NYC also are in the running for world class fatbergs.  In the last five years, Manhattan spent $18,000,000 fighting its fatbergs.

Talk about Whoppers!


In 2017, a piece of the record breaking 150 ton 820 foot London fatberg was put on display in the Museum of London.

C’mon folks!  No wonder you can’t solve your Brexit problem!

What were you thinking when you put a shoebox sized glob of London sewer s**t on display?

Surprise … surprise … it started growing toxic mold and breeding flies.


Hmm … I don’t want to gross you out … but maybe we do have hope for what we having clogging up our White House.

Now where did I leave my WalMart plunger?

Just sayin’ …


Trump … The Final Scene … I had a dream …

Dateline 2030 … Moscow … RT and Fox News exclusive … invitations sent worldwide.

Trump Tower Moscow lobby … a Russian flag and MAGA hat draped casket lies “in state” … closed.

Full military dressed dictators and ruling strongmen sit in the front rows … no “s**t hole countries” invited.

The crowd gasps … Trump, dressed in his personal powder-blue-fake-military-uniform, rips through the top of his casket … non sequiturs stream from his mouth … he’s shouting “No collusion” … “No collusion!”

His pale chubby little fingers bang at his cell phone sending posthumous tweets as he staggers stiffed legged Zombielike through his hotel’s faux gold lobby.


Putin leaps to his feet and exclaims, “There’s no way we can stop him.”

When asked if US tax payers were on the hook for “Dead Donald’s Presidential Tweets,” Putin retorted, “Someone’s gotta pay.  We ain’t a bunch of Socialists.”


The Javankas are represented by Ivanka … free after her 48 month sentence in a federal pen.

Jared has 3 more years to go … but was granted permission to view the funeral on a special prison feed.


Back in the USA … actors in the longest running sitcom since “Big Bang Theory” … “At Home with the Conways” in its 10th consecutive season of live broadcasts … paused for 30 seconds of reverential silence.

Kellyanne, her head bowed, listens as husband George reads his final tweet to the audience … “Finally, our long national nightmare is over.”


Mika and Joe … newly crowned MSNBC Hall of Fame Pundits … break from their torrid on set pseudo-coital gazes just long enough to disavow any attempt on their part to posthumously further the myth of Donald Trump.

Joe reminds everyone … “Way back in 2015, we were the first to disavow Trump’s suitability for public office.”

Fake News Banners immediately stream across the bottom of television screens.


Fox and Friends sit glumly on their now tattered 2019 couch … dabbing faux tears … wondering aloud about their ratings if the Ex-President cannot somehow continue his constant diatribes.

They’re praying as loud as mullahs in the mosques for Trump to find the cosmic energy to continue his tweets from beyond the grave.


In his Delaware home … Joe Biden struggles to his feet and faces cameras … “I’m seriously considering my candidacy for 2032 … all indications are positive … I’ve finally outlived everyone who remembers my atrocious voting record.

“I’m the only candidate who can win … I promise you … this time it’s for real!”


Suddenly I get that middle-of-the-night-urge … wakeup and trundle to the bathroom.

Just sayin’ …

“Sex, Lies and Video Tape” What not to do while staying at Mar-a-Lago

Thanks to the wonder of the Internet, everyone now knows of curious and nefarious links between Florida’s Orchids of Asia Spa … its founder Li “Cindy” Yang … and Palm Beach’s  Mar-a-Lago … and its owner President (aargh I hate to say that) Trump.

As a dues paying member of the elite Mar-a-Lago greed obsessed set, Li Yang,  apparently star struck, posted a selfie … Trump prominent in the background … at the Mar-a-Lago 2019 Super Bowl LIII party.

Meanwhile, no one seemed to notice how loosey-goosey and relaxed Patriot’s owner Bob Kraft appeared in his owner’s box at the big game.

It wasn’t obvious what his elixir of calm was … but it wasn’t about a “drug of choice.”

According to the “instant replay and the video tape,” Kraft apparently participated in an “au naturel $59.95 Happy Ending” … offered at Orchids earlier that same day.

Sadly for those of a slimey disposition, a discount package for the “Full and Complete Services” offered by Orchids … including free transportation … is no longer listed on the Mar-a-Lago handout … “Things to do during your Mar-a-Lago stay.”

After the story about Kraft broke, one Patriot’s player said that Kraft pulled a Mafia styled disappearing act … or maybe a “Where’s Krafto?”


Not satisfied with potential investigations for human trafficking, prostitution, kidnapping, tax evasion and money laundering … an undaunted Li Yang expanded her business endeavors by apparently setting up “Biz Meets” with ‘45 using her personal China connections.

For a fee … of course.

The legality of her “Trump connection business” is now under investigation … along with a host of Manafort-like schemes … referred to in the halls of the DOJ as the “Full Manafort Fraud Package.”

Sniff … sniff!  The stench of the intertwined DC Swamp Swimmers ’45 promised to get rid of reaches all the way to Florida’s East Coast.


I’m just waiting to see ‘45’s name in print next to Jeffrey Epstein’s after the re-investigation of Epstein’s sex trafficking and serial child molesting West Palm Beach legal debacle.

To get the latest on those “party sex-oramas” involving the rich and infamous with under aged girls … just ask Dr. Google about “Alexander Acosta” … the ex-federal prosecutor who let Epstein and others walk … who is now a member of ‘45’s Cabinet … and  who may soon join other Trumpites looking at us from behind bars.

And the cells?  They’re getting crowded … Karma really is a Bitch!

Just sayin’ …

Stalin… Pickup Trucks … Socialism … Hamberders The Green New Deal

What’s green, new, backed by the first year democrats, and has the GOP scared outta their geriatric skin-folds?

It’s the Green New Deal (GND) … initiated by AOC and the “Wild Bunch” who’ve hit DC shakin’, rattlin’ and rollin’.

They have ideas … they’re impatient and expressing themselves “out of order” …  they’re not “doing their time” in Congress first.

They skipped the “Old White Male Rules of Congress” … lovingly referred to as the “OWM” … a copy of which was in their orientation pack.

And, guess what?  They’re not gonna read it … except in the bathroom … and only for Yuks!


As soon as AOC went public with her Green New Deal, she was attacked with a barrage of well researched, scientific, economic, and political theories based on solid reason and deep thought.

Say what?


Mitch “The 5th Ninja Turtle” McConnell plans to rush the GND to the senate floor where he hopes all 2020 presidential candidates will vote “Aye” … and self-immolate right in front of their senate desks.

Hey “Ninja Mitch,” are you aware that 58%-65% of all American voters support doing something about the disastrous effects of climate change and treating it as  “reality” … not “Reality TV?”

Say what?


Meanwhile our “Liar-Liar-Pants-on-Fire” White House Tenant addressed CPAC and attacked the GND with this literate barb … “No planes.  No energy.  When the wind stops blowing, that’s the end of your electric” … later claiming “they want to take your car.”

When a massive study conducted by his own administration publicly stated that climate change poses a dire way-to-near-term threat to our future … the WH Tenant dismissed it with, “I don’t believe it.”

Say what?


Claims that DNC socialists are playing into Stalin’s hands … the “cold dead ones” … and want to take away your pickup trucks and “hamberders” … a reference to methane farting cattle … one GOP “Funditz” compared the GND to a watermelon … “green on the outside … deep, deep communist red on the inside.”

Say, what?


A Fox News contributor … yet another oxymoron guilty of moronic thinking … claimed that the “GND would lead to cannibalism … because we could only eat carrots and lettuce.”

Say, what?


Not to be outdone, “Happy-go-Lucky” Ted Cruz … the new GOP standup comic star … quipped that he hoped PETA would support the GOP now that the DNC wants to kill our cows.

Ha, ha, Ted … PETA’s already all over your killin’-‘em-with-pain-slaughter-house farms … watch out what you wish for!

Just sayin’ …

Do I “Spark Joy?”

There’s a seismic shift in the works at our house.

Doesn’t have anything to do with tweeting … new presidential candidates joining the fray … border walls, barriers, slats or fences … New Green Deals or Green New Deals … Bezos’ genitalia or Robert Kraft’s sexual predicament.


It does have to do with “the best gifts come in small packages” … and this one definitely does.

Say “kon’nichiwa” to the diminutive lady from Japan who has lit a fire in our house … and houses across the nation, too.

Her name’s Marie Kondo … her code name’s “KonMari” … she’s become the “Tidying-Up Goddess” of America … and has introduced her Shinto-Japanese art of de-cluttering and organizing to our western world of stuff addiction.

It involves “sparking joy!”


According to the Goddess of Minimalism, it’s all about reversing your process of living.

Say what?

You’re telling me my happiness now requires that I throw my personal P-R-N-D-L into reverse?  Why not just tell me to stand on my head while juggling eggs!

That’ll give me a new perspective … on cleaning up.

But … like all “I’ve-got-the-answer-you-didn’t-know-you-were-looking-for” gurus, Kondo reassures us that it’s really very simple.


Hey … this isn’t my first rodeo … I’ve moved 12 times and I’ve got no problem tossing stuff into the ever growing landfills of American Consumerism.

In my mind, it’s just “stuff.”

Enter KonMari … and with one phrase she confronts the eternal question:  “What stuff gets pitched?”


Marie Kondo says it isn’t just throwing stuff away.

The KonMari process is all about selecting the stuff that stays … and in the process transforming your environment from living amidst mind clogging stuff that needs to be dusted … tripped over … vacuumed … into only the stuff that “brings you joy.”


You can forget the dumpster exercise when you ask yourself a seemingly simple question … “Does this possession bring me joy?”

If “Yes” … it’s earned an honored place in your world.  If “No” … thank it for its service and send it to someone who may “find joy” in it.

You’ve now created an environment where you dust and fuss less … and enjoy more.  You’re now in KonMari’s win-win world.


Oh … BTW, you might want to make sure you’re a “Personal Joy Sparker” in your newly clean and de-cluttered home.

That way you won’t find yourself in a bag destined for the local Thrift Shop … or standing outside peeking through the window with a forlorn ”not-sparking-joy-look” on your face.

Just sayin’ …