Tiny Reality Bites … At least in my case

I’ve had it with the debate season and lifelong campaign seasons.

We’re hopelessly stuck now that our “political season” has been taken over by Mr. Reality TV … the Orange Man …  that bloated whiner who once was the figment of my imagination and now is the reality of my nightmares.

I have this terrible urge to rid myself of all possessions … radicalize my life …  follow the “Yellow Brick Road” of HGTV … and start all over again.

I can’t handle it anymore … I think I want a “Tiny House.”

But … before I do the fifth most stupid thing in my life I have some questions.

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ARE TINY HOUSE PEOPLE REAL?

No one can be that happy.  Where’s all their stuff?

It’s un-American to not have a drawer dedicated to underwear!  You can’t cook if you own only one pot!  Where’s the 76” LED surround sound flat screen TV?

There needs to be a repeat visit.  I want to see their insipid smiling face two-and-a-half years after their TV appearance.

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WHERE’S YOUR ALCOHOL STORED?

C’mon, Man!  You can’t be drinking just one bottle of wine … one liter of vodka.

Where’re the mixers?  No Scotch, bourbon, Compari, Goslings?

Whatta you drink from … a Flintstone jelly glass?

>No way there’s an icemaker in that Tiny House tinier fridge!

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WHAT ABOUT … “THE FACILITIES?”

As a guy, there’re lots of times I can “go outside” when Old Lady Nature calls.

But I like toilet space … it’s not my cuppa tea to be able to s**t and shave without having to get up and move … call me spoiled!

And sorry … I’m just not into a “compost toilet” … flush that s**t right outta my life … pull the chain and away it goes to be processed far-far-away … from me!

WASHER & DRYER?

Sorry Tiny House folks … I no longer do Laundromats! Gave up that trip when I got my college degree … thought that was one of the top “perks” from my education.

Right on the back of the diploma it was stamped … “No More Laundromats Ever!”

And I’m not sure I can handle washing/drying my dirty laundry one-item-at-a-time!

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I know life moves forward in cycles … what goes around comes around … history repeats itself … besides the very first place I lived could’ve been a Tiny House instead of what I called it … “THE DUMP.”

Just sayin’ …

5 thoughts on “Tiny Reality Bites … At least in my case

  1. But Herr Huss Puppy! You left out the MATH!
    To be a ‘tiny house’ person you must be nine parts Sir Edmund Hillary so you can scale those scary staircases and/or ladders up to your sleeping quarters every night; six parts Peter Dinklage (Game of Thrones) so you don’t slam your skull on your tiny bedroom’s ceiling every morning; five parts Hellen Keller so when you look around you can’t see just how little space you actually have and five more parts Sofie Dossi so ou can contort your body into pretzel-like positions whenever anything larger than a mosquito enters your tiny house. That’s 25 parts of someone else….which I’m pretty sure will violate both your state and municipal occupany laws for living in a shoebox.

  2. Okay, now I want to read the four blog posts on items 1 – 4 of the “stupid things I’ve done in my life.”

    Nope, un-unh, you’re not getting away with a short list that offers zero explanation despite the obviousness of their placement … drag it out a bit, revel in the process that put #1 at the top and #4 bringing up the rear, but always hopeful that #5 isn’t far behind …

    Oh yeah, funny post this one was!

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