Peyronie’s Disease … A man … his “dick” … and vegetables

Is nothing sacred?  Seriously Absurd certainly hope’s not!

Buried in the notorious 1998-99 impeachment battle over where Bill Clinton’s-Dick’s-been … somewhere amidst all the personal attacks, news reports, legal maneuvers, denials, he-said-she-saids and “that depends on what-is-is … Paula Jones allowed that she could ID … the Prez’s “member.”

When that “news” broke … I glanced down and immediately whispered: “Hey Big Fella … does this mean that, like fingerprints, no two dicks are alike?”

Well … in that instance I was right.

According to Paula  … the Prez’s boner had distinctive identifying characteristics … which when the fly was unzipped, allowed some reporters working the story to drop “Your New Word for the Day” on us … “Peyronie’s” … as a possible explanation.


Fast forward two decades plus … where current TV commercials now display graphic scenes for conditions, illnesses, diseases using previously verboten language, visual aids and “soft porn” to sell us cures for just about any ailment.

And if you thought a guy with a “crooked dick” would never ever make it onto your oversized-LED-surround-sound-TV-screen staged in your Home Entertainment Room … you’d be wrong, wrong, wrong!


Recently I was doing “the boy thing” … not that one … the casual channel flipping one … when my eyes focused on several guys gazing at various vegetables plucked from your neighborhood farm stand.

But these guys weren’t just looking …  they were engaged!

The scene featured a clutched zucchini … a smooth and polished mini-eggplant …  a knobby rustic carrot … a bumpy and swerved-to-the-left cuke … which these guys were bending, fondling and examining.

The real question to be asked of the faux-doc in the commercial was not what’s “normal” for a guy’s nether regions … the veggie display clarified that … but rather, “What was the impact on the poor guy stuck with the bent carrot which resembled a large pencil … as opposed to the clearly GMO’ed crooked cuke?”

At least for the purposes of the commercial, they could’ve given “Carrot Guy” a jumbo-tron carrot … C’mon, Man!

Let’s see … carrot or cuke?  To Hell with the “curve problem” … I’m saying “Cuke Guy” was probably less worried than “Carrot Guy!”


But according to the commercial, we now have good news for guys who suffer from “crooked dick syndrome” … known as “CDS” in the locker rooms.

So don’t be ashamed men … face your demons … talk with your urologist!

And by all means quit playing with my veggies … that’s just gross!


And BTW … I’m still most concerned about “Carrot Guy.”

Just sayin’ …

7 thoughts on “Peyronie’s Disease … A man … his “dick” … and vegetables

  1. Yo, Huss, fondling your way through this handful of possibilities makes you appear to be hardup for a subject. Simply take matters in hand. Newland

    • Okay, Jimbo … I can see that you certainly got into “the swing” of things with your reply! You wrote two sentences with four phrases all colorfully related to the subject matter … go to the head of the class … Good job and thanks for reading … HUSS

  2. From codpiece to egglant. Could this be a Huss diversion? What is next Grand Canyons of America And how did you slip this by Mari??

  3. So is what you’re saying that we should forget all that “farm-to-table” crap and worry more about “vegetables-to-the-bedroom” instead?
    Equally to the point, how do we get kids to eat their veggies now?
    And, as a former redhead yourself, does the term “carrot top” now take on a whole new meaning? I’m soooooo confused!

  4. Difficult to type when laughing this hard. Thanks for the seriously absurd start to my day.

  5. I got kinda lost on the lead in. Guess I liked just having the first sentence to mull over without the second.
    Not having seen the ad you referred to I was a bit lost among the root veggies for a bit before moving on.

    Where was I living back when Clinton’s nether parts were being explored?

    I never knew about the reputed bentness that husband Greg admits knowing about.
    Am I the only woman in America unaware of Clinton’s anatomy?

    Keep up the good work of keeping us in the know, entertaining us as you so capably do with your serious absurdity.

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