New Year’s Resolutions … Stop the Insanity!

Every year millions of Americans set themselves up for abject failure … self- loathing … self-hate.

Then they spend countless dollars trying to fix their screwed up psyches as they return to their favorite “couch consultants” to repair their broken lives.

And their major complaint?

“Why … why … can’t I keep a few simple resolutions beyond the first month of the New Year?”

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Well listen to me my “little-chickadees-of-life” … read on as I spill the secret to reclamation and endless happiness so you won’t slog and trudge through 2020.

Here’s the pathway to achieve your dream of keeping three of the most popular resolutions.

MAKE A NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTION YOU CAN KEEP!

Here’s my “K-I-S-S” list to jumpstart your 2020 success.

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Diet … Diet-Schmiet.  Laugh in the face of Marie Osmond!

No way she looks that good … has lost that much weight eating shit food mailed to her by Nutrisystem!

Save your money.  Walk away from the stress.  All you need to do is make one simple adjustment in your life!

In a word … Velcro!

Buy Velcro shoes … No more grunting … huffing … muttering while you try to tie shoelaces that remind you you’re still carrying the weight you swore you’d lose 10 years ago!

Slap and go with … “Guilt Free Velcro!”

Velcro solved my problem … and, it can work for you!

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Exercise … Exercise Schmex-ercise.  The worst invention in the world was the guilt inducing pedometer!

As we age, our aches, cramps and muscle twitches occur all night.  That’s an extra 7-8 hours of muscle activity.  We stumble to the bathroom every night to pee … most of us more than once!

Don’t lose valuable “steps” … convert that muscle activity … those tosses and turns.  Wear your spunky pedometer 24-7 and capture those previously uncounted calories.

Remember … steps = weight loss!

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Stressed?  Stress-schmess!

Return your home to those happy-carefree days … when your living room was for living … not stressing … avoiding disasters like murder and mayhem.

Bring back your happy-go-lucky past.  “Seinfeld” works as you laugh about nothing.

“Friends” and their happy times in Central Perks … no one ever dies!

Morality tales?  “Mayberry RFD” … see how “black-and-white” morality issues can be as Andy … a single father … raises Opie.

And, don’t forget “Perry Mason” … the bad guy’s always caught … found guilty …  and confesses.

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That’s three of my EZ to keep New Year’s Resolutions … cost free … guaranteed to “keep you off the “Freud-Couch.”

Feel good about yourself … you can thank me later!

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Just sayin’ …

5 thoughts on “New Year’s Resolutions … Stop the Insanity!

  1. Well, as you know, I spent most of a decade being an HBO Game of Thrones junkie, only to join the fan outrage in 2019 over the travesty of a final season wrought by Benioff and Weiss. My resolution was to forgive D&D for castrating the all-time best TV show ever. Having failed miserably in fulfilling New Year resolutions my whole life, I thought perhaps once, just this once, I may succeed with a mission of forgiveness. And then, I watched the final three episodes one more time for Auld Lang Syne. Forty-eight hours later I returned to sanity from my raging rant and realized that I will never be able to forgive them (or GRRM for allowing them to fail so stupendously). That makes me zero for 60 in keeping NYR’s, which must be some kind of record. Thanks for allowing me one final rant. We need never speak of it again.

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