Thank the gods … “THE Season” is almost over!

“THE Season?”  What “Season” are you squawking about?  Winter?  Xmas?  That’s done and gone.

We’re way beyond wishing friends and neighbors “Happy New Year!”

What “Season?”

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The “Diet Season” … it starts every January and it’s the source of major guilt for 365 days.

It’s also the season we start … only to end quicker than any other.  It’s the one we swear to keep … for an entire year!  Not!  Nope!  Never gonna happen!

It’s just a matter of how quickly we can ditch it.

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At Seriously Absurd Mount Dora headquarters we’ve decided to help you with the base stupidity of our national pledge to shed those pounds … flatten those tummies … develop at least one can of those six-pack abs!

We’ve found the worst … the craziest … the dumbest of the diets you should never pledge to keep … or even try.

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#1 … Any nutrition info suggested by Gwyneth Paltrow … Beyonce … Big Butted Kardashians … or those who advise you while sucking-on-a-biodegradable-straw-in-a-fresh-lemon-juice-concoction-in-a-reusable-bottle-while-driving-their-Prius-to-their-private-Yoga-session.

#2 … Anything using the name-title-phrase or hint of … “The Tape Worm Diet.”  Yep … it’s real … and some crazy folks try it.

You don’t have to swallow the worm … just the egg.  Then kickback and experience a 50% … or more nutrient/food loss … while your pet worm grows.

If you’re crazy enough to try this … you might not want to peek at the enhanced microscopic photos of the “Alien-esque” worm hooked to your digestive system.  Scaaaary!

#3 … The Fabulous Ms. M (Marilyn Monroe) started her day … unless she was with JFK … with two whipped eggs coddled in warm milk … skipped her lunch assuming she was still with JFK … and had an evening meal of broiled meat and five carrots.  Nothing was said about cocktails … or portion control … for the “Fabulous Ms. M.”

Lady Gaga allegedly starts her day with two jars of Gerber baby foods … that’s breakfast and lunch … and finishes with a “normal well balanced” dinner.

I say she should stay on Gerber but move to “stage three Gerber Chewables” for dinner.  Why ruin a good thing … especially since Gerber Chewables pair well with most $200 bottles of red!

Then there’s always the “Sirt Food” plan … it starts with a well balanced red wine and dark chocolate … followed by a bunch of s**t no one’s interested in.

It appears that there really is something for everyone … in the Wild West World of Diets.

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Just sayin’ …

4 thoughts on “Thank the gods … “THE Season” is almost over!

  1. Here’s the thing. I don’t think you’re technically allowed to promote any diet plan unless you’re certifiably anorexic…or just plain weird.
    (Fortunately, most of us Seriously Absurd fans fit into that latter category, although it can be something of a tight squeeze sometimes and might explain why “expandable-waist” pants have become so popular….but I digress.
    I just wanted to thank you for choosing Marilyn Monroe instead of Marilyn Manson for #3.

    • I thought Marilyn Manson was still in CA prison … Oh wait … that’s Charlie and he’s dead … I’m off to the bathroom now … it’s part of my “Peelio Diet! … thanks for reading, T

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