“Hi … Tony Romo, former quarterback in the NFL … here on the beach under my Corona umbrella enjoying the sun, the sand, the waves, and my Corona … with a slice of lime.

“We’re offering special pricing today because crazy Americans think they’re protecting themselves from the ‘Coronavirus’ … by not drinking Corona beer!”

In a recent poll, 38% of beer swillers nationwide have totally sworn off Corona fearing they will contract the virus.  AB InBev, owner of the Corona brand, has lost $170 million in profits to date.

Advice released from President Trump … “I’m the King of Branding … I think those Corona guys need to make their beer more patriotic … they need Tom Brady to join their team for a newer more patriotic beer … ‘Brady Beer.’  Screw Romo … he was always a loser!”

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“Hi … Ling Lang Lee here in San Francisco’s China Town … standing in front of my vacant Chinese restaurant ready to serve incredible and healthy food at deep discount prices … because you crazy people think I’m spreading the ‘Coronavirus’ serving you egg rolls and General Tsao’s chicken … both of which are totally American rip-offs of Chinese food.

“There’s nothing from China in any of our authentic Chinese dishes … our foods are totally ‘dog-free.’

All of our cooks and wait staff are at least 3^rd generation American citizens.  They think there really was a General Tsao.”

President Trump has thrown his full weight … uhoh … behind this appeal to support America’s Chinese ghettos.

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“Hi … Detective Joe Friday … in LA with a special Public Service Announcement

“The latest batch of Angel Dust flooding the streets of Hollywood is contaminated with Coronavirus.

“If you bring your stash to the West Hollywood station … we’ll be glad to take it off your hands  … no questions asked.  If you feel uncomfortable bringing your dope to the station … give us your address and we’ll come right over.  Do the right thing!”

It’s rumored that President Trump has nominated the entire West LA Police Department for a Medal of Freedom Award stating … “They stand proudly with Rush Limbaugh.”

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“Good evening … this is your President speaking … you’ve got nothing to fear but fear itself.  I’ve launched an all out Twitter Assault guaranteed to destroy this Corona-beery-thingie.

“I’ve also appointed my favorite ass kisser, Vice President Mike Pence, to head my Coronovirus Task Force.

I alone will make sure no one from my administration makes any statement that in any way contradicts what I say about this strain of flu … which is little more than a common cold.”

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Me … ?  I’m stickin’ with a slice of truth in my Corona.

Just sayin’ …

If the Dems start in Iowa is any indication of how we’re gonna “fight” the 2020 version of GOP electoral criminals … our call to arms probably should be … “Hey, General Custer, where’d all these f**kin’ Indians come from?”

Iowa is the 2020 anchor around our neck because DNC Leaders didn’t have the guts to say to Iowa’s State Democratic Party … “You can’t be first … New Hampshire’s first … you gotta have a stand-in-line-and-vote ‘f**king primary’ just like everybody else!

“Hiram & Ethel’s barn as a caucus site is not in the picture for 2020 ‘cause we ain’t havin’ an Iowa Caucus … so get over it!”

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And if we really wanted to keep Russia, China, North Korea, Iran, WikiLeaks and/or Trump’s-300-pound-Cheeto-eating-basement-dwelling-Incel-hackers away from our election(s) … we’d follow Oregon’s lead and switchover immediately to paper ballot-vote-by-mail … convenient drop boxes … rescued by a “low tech wave” instead of screwed by a “high tech disaster” … which wasn’t even “test driven.”

For cripes sake … even Elon Musk tests his “dreams” before they become realities!

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Now that the Iowa electoral ox is outta the barn … everyone’s sayin’ “this caucus thing is a cute quaint tradition … but it does nothing but make it harder for people to vote.”

Duuh!  Where were you 20:20 hind-sighters when way before the Hillary-Bernie- tragi-comedy-of-errors … the DNC begged caucus states to switch to a primary?

All we heard from you was wa-wa-wa … whine-whine-whine.

At least the folks who will continue with caucuses in 2020 … there are a few who insist … are NOT using the Shadow, Inc. “chip” … the one currently blamed for the Iowa debacle.

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Consider these factors …

What happened to the value of a “secret ballot?”  In today’s political climate of internet bullying, physical threats, property damage, wanton thugery … who looks forward to facing more public abuse when voting?

Since when was it politically smart to launch a Democratic presidential primary campaign in a state that is 91% white … and packed with Progressives?  Shouldn’t we consider a launch in a state more closely resembling our party voter population?

If we’re desperately trying to increase voter turnout … why make it harder to vote?  If we’re not … then just re-instate the poll tax … at least the state will rake in some more money.

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And … did no one think about this?

Since Iowa was the victim of a “technical-digital-electronic-glitch” … maybe we just needed to “unplug Iowa … count to 30 … and plug Iowa back in.”

Just sayin’ …

Fact checking the daily-hourly-minute-by-minute displays of ignorance emanating from our “Rent-A-President” and his gang of Flat Earth governing imposters has become a fulltime job.

Last week … Flat Earth worshippers let out a “Whoop” when “Trumpography” reared its ugly alternative-fact head in the US State Department.

Mike Pompeo … current Bozo of State … sandbagged a leading NPR radio reporter … Mary Louise Kelly … with a private pop quiz on Eastern European geography.

Matching his West Point Military Map Reading course against her master’s degree from Cambridge in European studies … he demanded she locate Ukraine using an unmarked map … no Alexa … no world atlas … not even a AAA Trip-Tik.

Then with his trademark s**t-eating-chauvinistic-know-it-all-sneer … he publically trashed Kelly … implying she’d pointed to Bangladesh.

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January 2020 … At a rally in Atlanta using his own special Trumpography skills … our “Bet-you-can’t-guess-what-I’m-gonna-say-now-leader revealed that Belgium and Brussels were interchangeable as city-and-country … depending on whether Brussels is a “hellhole” or “Belgium a beautiful city.”

Belgium has never been a city … and no world leaders … as well as most 7^th graders … have ever confused Brussels the city with Belgium the country.

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October 2017 … During his state visit, India’s prime minister … expressed concern to our “Font-of-Geographical-Ignorance” about China’s activities in the region.

The Font’s response?

“It’s not like you’ve got China on your border” … responded our very own contemporary Marco Polo … completely unaware of India’s existing 2,500+ mile border with China.

At least he didn’t add … “I can get Mexico to pay for your wall if you want to keep out ‘disease-infested-drug-smuggling-murdering-rapist Chinese immigrants.’”

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October 2019 … OK OK … it’s a big world with a lotta countries.

But what about USA Trumpography?  Surely our Dumb F**k President knows about the America he’s busily “Making Great Again?”

Guess again, Frodo!

In PA at a rally … he talks about how we’re gonna win New Mexico by building a wall on the NM border … then adds we’re building a big beautiful wall in Colorado, too … a wall no one can get over or under.

But don’t worry … just to reveal his infinite Trumpographical knowledge … he adds that we’re NOT building a wall in Kansas.

Aaah Trumpography … simply a stunning example of the power you wield when you have such a complete grasp of Trumpographic Alternative Facts.

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Just sayin’ …