“I like my Corona with a slice of truth … not lime!”

“Hi … Tony Romo, former quarterback in the NFL … here on the beach under my Corona umbrella enjoying the sun, the sand, the waves, and my Corona … with a slice of lime.

“We’re offering special pricing today because crazy Americans think they’re protecting themselves from the ‘Coronavirus’ … by not drinking Corona beer!”

In a recent poll, 38% of beer swillers nationwide have totally sworn off Corona fearing they will contract the virus.  AB InBev, owner of the Corona brand, has lost $170 million in profits to date.

Advice released from President Trump … “I’m the King of Branding … I think those Corona guys need to make their beer more patriotic … they need Tom Brady to join their team for a newer more patriotic beer … ‘Brady Beer.’  Screw Romo … he was always a loser!”


“Hi … Ling Lang Lee here in San Francisco’s China Town … standing in front of my vacant Chinese restaurant ready to serve incredible and healthy food at deep discount prices … because you crazy people think I’m spreading the ‘Coronavirus’ serving you egg rolls and General Tsao’s chicken … both of which are totally American rip-offs of Chinese food.

“There’s nothing from China in any of our authentic Chinese dishes … our foods are totally ‘dog-free.’

All of our cooks and wait staff are at least 3rd generation American citizens.  They think there really was a General Tsao.”

President Trump has thrown his full weight … uhoh … behind this appeal to support America’s Chinese ghettos.


“Hi … Detective Joe Friday … in LA with a special Public Service Announcement

“The latest batch of Angel Dust flooding the streets of Hollywood is contaminated with Coronavirus.

“If you bring your stash to the West Hollywood station … we’ll be glad to take it off your hands  … no questions asked.  If you feel uncomfortable bringing your dope to the station … give us your address and we’ll come right over.  Do the right thing!”

It’s rumored that President Trump has nominated the entire West LA Police Department for a Medal of Freedom Award stating … “They stand proudly with Rush Limbaugh.”


“Good evening … this is your President speaking … you’ve got nothing to fear but fear itself.  I’ve launched an all out Twitter Assault guaranteed to destroy this Corona-beery-thingie.

“I’ve also appointed my favorite ass kisser, Vice President Mike Pence, to head my Coronovirus Task Force.

I alone will make sure no one from my administration makes any statement that in any way contradicts what I say about this strain of flu … which is little more than a common cold.”


Me … ?  I’m stickin’ with a slice of truth in my Corona.

Just sayin’ …

Making the World a “Better Place”

Occasionally I exchange serious … as opposed to absurd e-mails … with a group of friends.

This exchange … a discussion on “how to help yourself have a better day” … occurred a few days ago.

I put in my two cents worth because in my next life I definitely plan to be the Anne Landers … Doctor Phil … or Dr. Ruth of the time.  I just love to give advice.

It’s based on my friend “Bill’s” email and my offering advice.

So far, no one’s responded, “Hey Huss, stuff it!”


“Bill … you offered some good advice … like you don’t answer your cell phone until 10 AM or tune into Cable News until noon.”

I’m generally off my cell phone most of the day, too … but that’s because I’ve forgotten where I last placed, saw or dropped it.

As for Cable News … I only watch when I’m feeling suicidal … or I’ve decided to drink … which is pretty much anytime my eyes are open.

I’m banned from ladders now … it’s an age thing …  so when I OD on Cable News and desperately want to take that final leap … it’s off the edge of my front walk … and results in a severely sprained ankle.


I’m proud, Bill that “you try not to put unnecessary pressure on yourself.”

I’ve determined that the only pressure I can handle is whether it will be a “clear liquor day” or a “brown liquor day.”

The only daily chore I face is before I go to bed … to check and make sure my icemaker hasn’t jammed.

A full ice bin is a harbinger of a “better day.”


Surrounding yourself, Bill, with positive thoughts and energy is a really good thing.

I … on the other hand … have pretty much given up thinking … both good and bad thoughts.  Thinking hurts my hair and I’ve determined that it’s not really all that good for me.

I’m okay with traffic laws … except for stop signs … which I consider to be suggestions.

I also randomly drop public F-bombs … mostly to jangle the nerves of Fundamentalists … who now-a-days seem to be everywhere.

If they also make eye contact with me … I apologize and tell them I suffer from a rare form of “F***ing Tourettes” … and to please pray for my recovery.

I also remind them … if they’re still within hearing range … “It’s what Jesus would want them to do.”


Empirical evidence has proven without a doubt that I can most easily improve everyone’s day by staying home … preferably inside.

So I frequently help make my Mount Dora world “a better place” by being an-inside-person.

Just sayin’ … HUSS

What do Super Bowl LIV & V-Day have in common? (More than you might think, Grasshopper)


V-Day’s come and gone … behind it a wake of poorly-expressed-proclamations-of-undying-love … half-eaten-past-code-date-chocolates … deflated balloons … and discarded-super-market-flowers … flown-in-from-god-knows-where.

For many, this V-Day exchange is a “sexual quid-pro-quo” … which loosely means an “exchange of favors” … “You get this and I get laid!”


Also come-and-gone … Super Bowl LIV.

That would be “54” for those who had trouble with “quid-pro-quo” … and you thought Latin was a “dead language!”

Both of these “non-holiday-holidays” have one thing in common … at least in the eyes of some in our population.

That common bond?  A “mega-sex” event … with a special thanks to the last Super Bowl halftime “show-all!”

That Nanosecond glimpse of the uncovered Janet Jackson boob … Super Bowl XXXVIII (38 for Latin illiterates) … caused weeks of Christian teeth gnashing … and a direct “perp-walk-to-Hell” … for Janet.

Flash forward 16 years (XXXVIII + XVI = LIV) … many of the fine-Fundamentalist-Evangelical ladies and gentlemen who … instead of beating a path to bathrooms for a halftime pee … tuned into the halftime J. Lo and Shakira extravaganza.


No matter their show was hyped relentlessly for weeks ahead of the big game.

No matter the music, costumes, staging, dancing … and what you called “soft porn” … were splashed on screens in your homes on endless pre-broadcast promotional streams.

These two leading female Latina entertainers crashed the alleged “virginal sanctity” of your living room … thus creating a major Christian backlash about “sexploitation” … of your 13 year olds.

OMG … Those two Latinas rolled on the ground … rubbed against ropes seductively … rubbed their legs together … and for God’s sake, rubbed their crotches!

By 2025 we’ll probably have orgies on stage!


Did you forget when it was …

“OMG Martha … “Thank God the bottom of the TV screen’s blacked out … that Devil’s Spawn Elvis’s wiggling again!”

OMG Martha … “Look at those long haired British boys … they’re poisoning our minds!”

OMG Martha … “That Rapper just grabbed his crotch!”


Your kids see T&A everywhere … at the beaches … at high school events … movies … music videos … teen beauty pageants … competitive cheer leading … gymnastics and swim meets … all the TV shows you think you chip-blocked.

There’s and entire aisle in your grocery store dedicated to sexual innuendo … they’re called greeting cards!

And now at MAGA rallies …


Just sayin’ …

“Who needs the Ruskies when we have the Iowans?”

If the Dems start in Iowa is any indication of how we’re gonna “fight” the 2020 version of GOP electoral criminals … our call to arms probably should be … “Hey, General Custer, where’d all these f**kin’ Indians come from?”

Iowa is the 2020 anchor around our neck because DNC Leaders didn’t have the guts to say to Iowa’s State Democratic Party … “You can’t be first … New Hampshire’s first … you gotta have a stand-in-line-and-vote ‘f**king primary’ just like everybody else!

“Hiram & Ethel’s barn as a caucus site is not in the picture for 2020 ‘cause we ain’t havin’ an Iowa Caucus … so get over it!”


And if we really wanted to keep Russia, China, North Korea, Iran, WikiLeaks and/or Trump’s-300-pound-Cheeto-eating-basement-dwelling-Incel-hackers away from our election(s) … we’d follow Oregon’s lead and switchover immediately to paper ballot-vote-by-mail … convenient drop boxes … rescued by a “low tech wave” instead of screwed by a “high tech disaster” … which wasn’t even “test driven.”

For cripes sake … even Elon Musk tests his “dreams” before they become realities!


Now that the Iowa electoral ox is outta the barn … everyone’s sayin’ “this caucus thing is a cute quaint tradition … but it does nothing but make it harder for people to vote.”

Duuh!  Where were you 20:20 hind-sighters when way before the Hillary-Bernie- tragi-comedy-of-errors … the DNC begged caucus states to switch to a primary?

All we heard from you was wa-wa-wa … whine-whine-whine.

At least the folks who will continue with caucuses in 2020 … there are a few who insist … are NOT using the Shadow, Inc. “chip” … the one currently blamed for the Iowa debacle.


Consider these factors …

What happened to the value of a “secret ballot?”  In today’s political climate of internet bullying, physical threats, property damage, wanton thugery … who looks forward to facing more public abuse when voting?

Since when was it politically smart to launch a Democratic presidential primary campaign in a state that is 91% white … and packed with Progressives?  Shouldn’t we consider a launch in a state more closely resembling our party voter population?

If we’re desperately trying to increase voter turnout … why make it harder to vote?  If we’re not … then just re-instate the poll tax … at least the state will rake in some more money.


And … did no one think about this?

Since Iowa was the victim of a “technical-digital-electronic-glitch” … maybe we just needed to “unplug Iowa … count to 30 … and plug Iowa back in.”

Just sayin’ …

“Trumpography” … his world really is flat

Fact checking the daily-hourly-minute-by-minute displays of ignorance emanating from our “Rent-A-President” and his gang of Flat Earth governing imposters has become a fulltime job.

Last week … Flat Earth worshippers let out a “Whoop” when “Trumpography” reared its ugly alternative-fact head in the US State Department.

Mike Pompeo … current Bozo of State … sandbagged a leading NPR radio reporter … Mary Louise Kelly … with a private pop quiz on Eastern European geography.

Matching his West Point Military Map Reading course against her master’s degree from Cambridge in European studies … he demanded she locate Ukraine using an unmarked map … no Alexa … no world atlas … not even a AAA Trip-Tik.

Then with his trademark s**t-eating-chauvinistic-know-it-all-sneer … he publically trashed Kelly … implying she’d pointed to Bangladesh.


January 2020 … At a rally in Atlanta using his own special Trumpography skills … our “Bet-you-can’t-guess-what-I’m-gonna-say-now-leader revealed that Belgium and Brussels were interchangeable as city-and-country … depending on whether Brussels is a “hellhole” or “Belgium a beautiful city.”

Belgium has never been a city … and no world leaders … as well as most 7th graders … have ever confused Brussels the city with Belgium the country.


October 2017 … During his state visit, India’s prime minister … expressed concern to our “Font-of-Geographical-Ignorance” about China’s activities in the region.

The Font’s response?

“It’s not like you’ve got China on your border” … responded our very own contemporary Marco Polo … completely unaware of India’s existing 2,500+ mile border with China.

At least he didn’t add … “I can get Mexico to pay for your wall if you want to keep out ‘disease-infested-drug-smuggling-murdering-rapist Chinese immigrants.’”


October 2019 … OK OK … it’s a big world with a lotta countries.

But what about USA Trumpography?  Surely our Dumb F**k President knows about the America he’s busily “Making Great Again?”

Guess again, Frodo!

In PA at a rally … he talks about how we’re gonna win New Mexico by building a wall on the NM border … then adds we’re building a big beautiful wall in Colorado, too … a wall no one can get over or under.

But don’t worry … just to reveal his infinite Trumpographical knowledge … he adds that we’re NOT building a wall in Kansas.

Aaah Trumpography … simply a stunning example of the power you wield when you have such a complete grasp of Trumpographic Alternative Facts.


Just sayin’ …