Making the World a “Better Place”

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Occasionally I exchange serious … as opposed to absurd e-mails … with a group of friends.

This exchange … a discussion on “how to help yourself have a better day” … occurred a few days ago.

I put in my two cents worth because in my next life I definitely plan to be the Anne Landers … Doctor Phil … or Dr. Ruth of the time.  I just love to give advice.

It’s based on my friend “Bill’s” email and my offering advice.

So far, no one’s responded, “Hey Huss, stuff it!”

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“Bill … you offered some good advice … like you don’t answer your cell phone until 10 AM or tune into Cable News until noon.”

I’m generally off my cell phone most of the day, too … but that’s because I’ve forgotten where I last placed, saw or dropped it.

As for Cable News … I only watch when I’m feeling suicidal … or I’ve decided to drink … which is pretty much anytime my eyes are open.

I’m banned from ladders now … it’s an age thing …  so when I OD on Cable News and desperately want to take that final leap … it’s off the edge of my front walk … and results in a severely sprained ankle.

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I’m proud, Bill that “you try not to put unnecessary pressure on yourself.”

I’ve determined that the only pressure I can handle is whether it will be a “clear liquor day” or a “brown liquor day.”

The only daily chore I face is before I go to bed … to check and make sure my icemaker hasn’t jammed.

A full ice bin is a harbinger of a “better day.”

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Surrounding yourself, Bill, with positive thoughts and energy is a really good thing.

I … on the other hand … have pretty much given up thinking … both good and bad thoughts.  Thinking hurts my hair and I’ve determined that it’s not really all that good for me.

I’m okay with traffic laws … except for stop signs … which I consider to be suggestions.

I also randomly drop public F-bombs … mostly to jangle the nerves of Fundamentalists … who now-a-days seem to be everywhere.

If they also make eye contact with me … I apologize and tell them I suffer from a rare form of “F***ing Tourettes” … and to please pray for my recovery.

I also remind them … if they’re still within hearing range … “It’s what Jesus would want them to do.”

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Empirical evidence has proven without a doubt that I can most easily improve everyone’s day by staying home … preferably inside.

So I frequently help make my Mount Dora world “a better place” by being an-inside-person.

Just sayin’ … HUSS

14 thoughts on “Making the World a “Better Place””

  1. Okay, Herr Huss Puppy….I believe ya.
    Sorta.
    Though somehow the term “house arrest” popped into my head in re-reading this one.
    This, of course, triggered visions of a clear liquor-fueled Huss Puppy frantically searching the aisles at WalMart and the Dollar Store for a gigantic set of handcuffs so he could not only arrest his house…but restrain it, too.
    Then, too, as a former Hippie-Yippie Abbie Hoffman fan, I’m also currently mulling a “Free-the-Huss-House” gorilla marketing campaign in which…I promise…no actual gorillas will be harmed…unless they climb to the top of Mt. Dora’s tallest building and start swatting low-flying airplanes from the sky.

    • Thanks, Tom for that amalgam of responses rolled into one absurdly serious indication that you at least read my blog!

      The term “house arrest” always did puzzle me … but you know that I’ll look for any excuse to mingle with my brethren and “sisteren” in the hallowed aisles of WalMart and Dollar Store … the best examples of capitalism’s Last Frontier.

      I’m also very glad no gorillas … or better yet, guerrillas … were harmed in your “Free the Huss” campaign.

      BTW … is the money flowing in freely?

  2. Happen to agree with most of this….with one exception. Stop signs are sacrosanct! Speed limits, however, are merely suggestions. My motto “if there is a space…fill it”

    • OGM … not to be confused with OMG … thanks for expressing your opinion about traffic suggestions in our fine country.

      I remember my first trip to Mexico .. as do a few Mexicans … where I learned that driving … like “la Corrida” … was a blood sport.

      First to the intersection beeped and therefore established the right of way … and I thought driving in Manhattan was a challenge. Since electricity was scarce, traffic lights were even more scarce … especially in the hinterlands.

      Thanks for reading and sure hope you have many “better days.”

    • Thanks for reading and commenting Lynn … If you can’t find ways to laff at what’s going on in our world, then you may as well climb to the top of the Simpson’s Cove Light House and take a plunge.

      Sure all you’ll do is break an ankle, run up hospital bills and be in pain until you die … but , hey, you’ve at least started the process!

  4. Richard–striking a nerve here. i mentioned, the other day, that i seem to let the political horrors bother me more than i used to. i sailed through the reagan years withiout even thinking Iran-Contra ; hardly registered the 72 or 52 soldiers killed in Beirut, the helicopter crashing in the desert, started to notice after the supreme court appointed W. i wrote to the united nations to request w’s 2nd election be monitored. loved Obama. but now–why is it making me actually sick? my brother thinks it’s because we are retired and have more time to experience the hideousness. i need a hobby.

    • Hey Jeanne … Thanks for reading and commenting.

      Your brother’s a bit right and a lot wrong. When we weren’t looking the worst human possible not named Charles Manson, decided to run for president and actually became president.

      He did not win it and we’ll never be able to prove he stole it. The only thing we can do now is stop him.

      You have lots of reasons to feel sick about what’s going on and exactly who’s responsible for it … but you need to move forward, stay strong and not lose your sense of what’s right, ethical and moral. HUSS

  5. Thanks for this timely reminder that alcohol induced euphoria beats hiding under the covers all day. As always, your blog made me laugh out loud.

    • Hey, Vi … Thanks for the comment … Alcohol and I get along just fine … in fact one of my favorite lines to myself is, “What’s a great drink like you doing here in my hand!”

      Works every time … it always comes home with me!

      Thanks for reading …

  6. If you’re gonna be an inside person, please make sure you’re using your inside voicel

    • Hey Mike … thanks for reading. I’m living with the most quiet person I’ve ever met … all I have once the door shuts is “an inside voice.” We both cheered loudly, however after the SoCar results Sat night!

      That was better than KC’s win in the Stupor Bowl!

    • Hi Peggy … Thanks for checking in … You betcha I’m warped. But at least I have the correct bend … and it’s definitely to the left!

      Gotta run now … just checked and my ice bin’s full … and I’m sure it’s five o’clock somewhere!

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