Hand Washing & Logic 101

Okay class … today we learn how to wash our hands.  Everyone … step-up to your sink and sing with me.

“This is the way we wash our hands,
Wash our hands, wash our hands.
This is the way we wash our hands
So early in the morning.”

Now let’s all shout out a great big “Thank you” to … Mother Goose!


Even Sesame Street celebrates National Hand Washing Awareness Week … which if you missed the Sesame Street culture, takes place the first week of December.

Raya & Elmo demonstrate proper hand washing to preschoolers … but now we need  preschoolers to give the big kids and adults a refresher course!


True to our country’s basic panic mentality, we’ve cleared America’s retail shelves of Purell, private label hand sanitizers … and all alcohol … as in Rubbing and Isopropyl.

And a new breed of “Purell Pirates” has cornered the market … so they can sell it through Amazon and EBay at “ransom level prices.”

Twenty bucks per bottle anyone?

Hell … that gives new meaning to Vulture Capitalism!


But … you have to give consumers credit … they’re always one step ahead of retailers.

Faced with vacant Purell shelves … some consumers applied creative, but  warped logic to the situation … and are using Tito’s.

Follow their thread … “Handmade vodka … no Purell … coronavirus scare … ergo, it’s alcohol-and-hands … what the Hell?”

But Tito’s takes this seriously … if not a bit absurdly.

With each Twittersphere mention of using Tito’s precious “handmade vodka” as a hand sanitizer … instead of a Moscow Mule … which I personally think is a waste of even bad vodka … Tito’s launches a Tweet reply:

“…. per the CDC, the alcohol carrier in a sanitizer must be a minimum 60% alcohol … Tito’s sadly, is only 40% … and while remarkably drinkable … should not be wasted as a sanitizer.”

These the same “Stupids” who refused to drink Corona Beer because of Coronavirus … and cost that company over $170,000,000 in profits?

Now they’ve linked “Handmade Tito’s” to a sanitizer to kill coronavirus germs?

Seems that Forrest Gump’s mama was right …  “Stupid is as stupid does.”


Meanwhile the Seriously Absurd staff and our standard poodle, Rani, have scouted the ‘hood in hopes of finding young entrepreneurs who dumped the “All-American Lemonade Stand” for the much more lucrative “Hand Sanitizer Stand.”

But alas … no entrepreneurs occupy that income stream.  We surmised their allowances were too high … and “their entrepreneurial spark of poverty” had been killed.

Look for the Girl Scouts to fill that void with a “Cool Mint Chocolate Sanitizer!”

Just sayin’ …