Rumor has it that one day in the distant future we’ll look back on our time with C-19 … and be thankful for the ways the “piece-of-shit-bastard-inconvenient-life-taking-ugly-f**king-redspiked-bloodsuckin-virus” forced us to become better people developing new talents and skills while encouraging us to form new habits that will improve our lives.
That life certainly is more exciting when everyday brings you a roller coaster ride packed with screaming anxiety as a result of governmental idiocy … angst from the threat of burning in Hell for obstructing our God-given-natural-respiratory-pathways by wearing a mask … and practicing “Satan’s Love” by social distancing!
But rather than dwelling on the negatives … let’s hop over to the “sunny side of the “Pandemic Street” and take a look at the positives that have resulted from C-19 … at least for me.
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I now have an intimate understanding of the differences in pandemic … epidemic … and endemic outbreaks.
As soon as I’m able to go to Monday Night Medical Trivia at my favorite local bar without encountering a lung eating virus … I’m putting my money on me!
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I can shop curbside for my vodka … Rani the Wonder Poodle’s favorite foods – buffalo, rabbit, quail & pheasant … my groceries … medicines – Rani’s, too!
I’d swear that Jeff Bezos occasionally drives one of his chic Amazon Blues personally to my house and drops packages at my front door.
Thanks to a friend, I sourced a “local” alcohol based disinfectant … and it’s delivered … a beautiful, rich pleasant “mash” aromatic disinfectant distilled from her whiskey stills which have been switched to manufacture house hold disinfectants.
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I finally purchased a “smart” TV … but it’s been a challenge to get it functioning. It’s so “smart” they don’t provide a written user’s manual … you go to their website.
When I logged on, the message was a terse “Due to COVID-19 we have no one here to assist you. Call back later.”
But not to worry … I was able to get into one of my bazillion channels provided and can binge on Charlie Sheen … pre-drug-booze crash episodes … of “Anger Management” and “2 ½ Men.”
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The major change that we’ve built into our C-19 routine is eating at home. Even if the little red you-know-what is somehow sent to its room quarantined for life … we will probably continue to “eat-in” for the foreseeable future.
I’ve made a discovery … we eat better, spend less and actually control our weight by not going out to eat.
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Just sayin’ …