To solidify the “choke hold” he maintains on his political base … which now reportedly numbers into the high teens of eligible voters … Trumpel-skil-skin issued an Executive Order declaring himself the “Second President of the Covfefe States of Amerika.”
Some legal scholars cast doubt on the validity of the EO noting that it should actually read … “Confederate States of America.”
Immediately calling a “Press Scrum,” the Trumpster appeared in the Rose Garden dressed in his “General Bob E. Lee” replica Covfefe uniform … labeling them “Illegal Nay Sayers” and “Fake Legal Scholars.”
From beneath his podium he brandished a Hasbro special edition Presidential Nerf Gun and blasted the scurrying crowd with leftover D.C. pepperballs … yelling … “You people have no understanding of ‘Trum-peng-lish’ and its use as the official language of my ‘Trum-putive Orders’ … which from this point forward will replace Executive Orders.
“My ‘Trum-O’s’ … will be released via The Trump Organization’s newest subsidiary … ‘Twiddle’ … just as soon as ‘JaVanka, Inc.’ secures funding from The Vatican Bank.
Pope Frank’s assured me he wants in on the ground floor of this yuuge opportunity.”
He went on to say this is an “ipso facto quid-pro-quo example of circular reasoning which begs the question.”
Trump: “You tell me why I can’t appoint myself to replace Jeff Davis?”
Illegal Nay Sayer: “Mr. President … or is it General B.E. Lee? Why bother to replace Jefferson Davis? He’s dead and … he was arrested for Treason.
As are all those other Confederate military officers our military camps were named after. Are you going to change the names of those camps, sir?”
Trump: “Next question … who let you in here? Get him outta here.”
Fake Legal Scholar: “As the President for the United Covfefe States, will there be a second White House at Mar-a-Lago?”
Trump: “Another stupid question.” The Covfefe White House will be at Trump National in Virginia. All the Covfefe statues will be moved to the grounds of the course … it’ll be one of the most difficult courses in the country.
As soon as Flynn’s cleared … or pardoned … I’ll make it his priority to relocate the statues. Who let you in?”
Buffalo News Reporter: “Sir … Martin Gugino is in the hospital with brain injuries … what do you have to say about the police attacking him?”
Trump: “He wasn’t attacked. He attacked the police armed with a special device that resembled a piece of paper … but wasn’t.
“I’ve told my crack personal attorney and America’s Mayor … Rudy Guilianni … to defend the innocent officers viciously attacked by Gugino. Rudy should make a bundle.
Now get that Buffalo bum outta here.”
Too late for the 25th Amendment?
Just sayin’ …