New Writing Genre Emerges (Sprint Writing)

It’s hard to find any benefits of our COVID-19 Pandemic.

But Seriously Absurd’s research team has uncovered what appears to be a new opportunity for aspiring writers … now that they have time on their hands.

We call it … Sprint Writing** … where the writer gets to the point … nails the conclusion … then exercises a quick exit!

The explosion of “E-Tailing” … brought on by the pandemic provides the easiest and most accessible outlet for their talents.

Whether you’re buying cereal … coveted rolls of TP … or toilet plungers … you’ll find unsolicited comments that will enlighten you, delight you … and at their best, have you saying to yourself … “Shit, I wish I’d written that!”

Here’s “The Best of …”

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“Scat Talk” on Fruity Pebbles … “If you eat more than two bowls a day, it turns your poop green.”

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“TMI” on TP … “Took me 7 weeks to find toilet paper, will use both sides.”

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“Taking the Plunge” on Plungers … “Hands down the most amazing plunger I have owned. I know it is somewhat silly, but having a reliable plunger such as this becomes such a relief when the world of human waste becomes less than…well, ‘manageable.’

I promptly named mine Excalibur.”

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And … “The Pulitzer” … “Here I am in 2019 with 4 failed relationships, on the verge of 30 years old and I’ve resorted to writing a review on a toilet brush. What can I say? It’s a great toilet brush. It cleans very well, getting all the marks that are left behind after drinking too much Jack Daniels. The design of the brush is your typical looking brush with over 100,000 bristles and a handle large enough that you won’t get covered in toilet water that looks delicious to dogs but not humans.

“I thought it would be larger, kinda like I thought I’d be more successful in life than I am now. So now here I am writing metaphors while listing to Radiohead about said toilet brush.

“It seems to me that this toilet brush will last me a while. The quality is very nice and it looks appealing. Kinda makes you want to take it out to a nice meal, date it for 4 years and then have it shatter your dreams. Also, I saw some reviews about it that says it arrived broken. Mine was in perfect condition. My Amazon delivery person did a great job.

“Anyway, I doubt any of you read this.”

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His doubts were misplaced … 847 people benefited from his comment.

Just sayin’ …

** Selected by Rani … our literate “Writing Poodle” …

7 thoughts on “New Writing Genre Emerges (Sprint Writing)

  1. Thanks, Richard. What a great idea! I never respond to Amazon requests for product reviews. Off course, I read the boring reviews of others that came before me … so I can make an “informed” decision. Jazzing it up a notch will be such fun! I can’t wait to get started.

  2. Shit, I’m glad I didn’t write that!

    Emboldened by Excalibur, it’s “clear” that you’ve been drinking deeply from the Seriously Absurd Pool to fuel this new sprint writing passion. I think you should stick with vodka.

    And another thought. Since you’re on a scatological sprint, please refrain from sharing details about what fish do in water. I don’t believe that fish poop stories would qualify as scatological because fish poop, well, disperses (dare I say “SCAT-ters”) so quickly that it becomes inextricably part of the Absurdly Serious Pool. Yet another reason to return to the milk of Mother Grey Goose!

  3. Lately with more spare time, I have been responding to my online shopping sites’ requests to write reviews. Mine have been honest but kind; however, your examples will inspire me to be more creative in the future.

  4. hilarious. i don’t want to say shitty, but it was a funky column. the good news? at the time of this writing, you were not feeling any tangerine spleen.

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