“Oh … the Effing Changes we’ll make”

Rumor has it that one day in the distant future we’ll look back on our time with C-19 … and be thankful for the ways the “piece-of-shit-bastard-inconvenient-life-taking-ugly-f**king-redspiked-bloodsuckin-virus” forced us to become better people developing new talents and skills while encouraging us to form new habits that will improve our lives.

That life certainly is more exciting when everyday brings you a roller coaster ride packed with screaming anxiety as a result of governmental idiocy … angst from the threat of burning in Hell for obstructing our God-given-natural-respiratory-pathways by wearing a mask … and practicing “Satan’s Love” by social distancing!

But rather than dwelling on the negatives … let’s hop over to the “sunny side of the “Pandemic Street” and take a look at the positives that have resulted from C-19 … at least for me.

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I now have an intimate understanding of the differences in pandemic … epidemic … and endemic outbreaks.

As soon as I’m able to go to Monday Night Medical Trivia at my favorite local bar without encountering a lung eating virus … I’m putting my money on me!

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I can shop curbside for my vodka … Rani the Wonder Poodle’s favorite foods –  buffalo, rabbit, quail & pheasant … my groceries … medicines – Rani’s, too!

I’d swear that Jeff Bezos occasionally drives one of his chic Amazon Blues personally to my house and drops packages at my front door.

Thanks to a friend, I sourced a “local” alcohol based disinfectant … and it’s delivered … a beautiful, rich pleasant “mash” aromatic disinfectant distilled from her whiskey stills which have been switched to manufacture house hold disinfectants.

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I finally purchased a “smart” TV … but it’s been a challenge to get it functioning.  It’s so “smart” they don’t provide a written user’s manual … you go to their website.

When I logged on, the message was a terse “Due to COVID-19 we have no one here to assist you.  Call back later.”

But not to worry … I was able to get into one of my bazillion channels provided and can binge on Charlie Sheen … pre-drug-booze crash episodes … of “Anger Management” and “2 ½ Men.”

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The major change that we’ve built into our C-19 routine is eating at home.  Even if the little red you-know-what is somehow sent to its room quarantined for life … we will probably continue to “eat-in” for the foreseeable future.

I’ve made a discovery … we eat better, spend less and actually control our weight by not going out to eat.

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Just sayin’ …

5 thoughts on ““Oh … the Effing Changes we’ll make”

  1. Wait a minute! Rani is eating “buffalo, rabbit, quail & pheasant”? What is the Seriously Absurd one chowing down on? Kibbles & Bits?
    But I digress. What really gets to me is my own jealousy.
    I’m incredibly jealous of the energy (and vocal cords) of those impassioned folks who scream at decibel levels not heard since KISS and Iron Maiden stopped touring…about their God-given right NOT to be even remotely courteous to their friends, neighbors and (most especially) strangers by wearing a mask when they leave their caves to spread COVID-19 droplets up and down the aisles at Publix…
    But jealousy is bad. Vodka is good. Screwdriver, anyone?

  2. Thanks, don Ricardo, for sharing the positive things you have experienced sheltering in place. it sometimes surprises me that I have learned to adapt and change my behaviors in ways I would never have dreamed of before COVID-19.

  3. I’ve become absolutely fascinated by what we see in the backgrounds of the “studio rooms” of tv personalities that broadcast remotely from their homes. There has been a lot of bad art, a ton of footballs and football helmets from ex-players, and of course, anyone promoting a book has – if they’re smart – multiple copies of it in plain view somewhere in the room. Some try to impress with their huge libraries, others go “minimalist” and look like they’ve gone to great lengths to “clean up” a single tiny area of their homes to do the broadcast from. I think I will actually miss all this diverse individuality when most of these people go back to their respective tv studios…

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