“Soup every day makes a super you!”
So the slogan goes.
But Trump’s put plain old everyday 1950’s styled sodium packed tasteless canned soup back on the map … and as he usually does … for all the wrong reasons.
No longer are we charmed by the “Mm … Mm … Good!” and the rosy cheeked child extolling Campbell’s soups!
Instead, now we have the President-from-Hell promoting soup as a “wartime hazard” second only to the IED’s perfected by ISIS, the Taliban and our garden variety international and domestic terrorists.
Bags and bags of these weapons … according to our Conspiracy-Theorist-in-Chief … are launched as deadly missiles at our intrepid police … and according to Prexy Whiney-Pants they can really hurt you if you’re hit by one of them … “worse than a brick!”
Wait … have you seen the regalia these urban enforcers wear as they face-off against street anarchists?
It’s not like there’s any exposed body parts … these tough guys are hooded, shielded, helmeted, body-armored, steel-toed-jack-booted, heavily gloved, automatic weapon toting gladiators.
They’re not dressed for a “day at the beach.”
And … at least so far … the cans of soup aren’t fired from Bazookas, rocket launchers or cannons.
According to behind-the-lines field research three major soup brands are reportedly favored by the “street thugs:” Campbell’s for the Cammo Wearers … Progresso for the Progressives … and Chunky for NFL African-American supporters.
It’s also rumored that Jerry Seinfeld’s rushed an updated “Soup Nazi – The Mini-Series” into production … sponsored by Whole Foods/Amazon and Jeff Bezos … a real billionaire.
Independent food chains quickly jumped in the “Soup’s On Pool” with new label lines: Creamy Military Mushroom … Very Mussolini Minnestrone … Cobblestone & Potato Soup … Improvised Egg Drop (IED) … and, Vlad’s Ruble Red Borscht.
Since he’s sold all his bank holdings … cash rich Warren Buffet’s become a leading “Soup-vestor” and dumped his cash into canned soup. According to Buffet, the canned soup run caused by Pandemic hoarding will be “a drop in the pan” compared to this “weaponized soup” … shelves are already looking bare.
Executors for the Andy Warhol estate have already boosted their Campbell’s art prices by 20%. According to them … Andy’s spinning in his grave … thrilled at making money posthumously from Donald Trump’s stupidity.
It was widely known that Andy detested Trump … especially that hair!
I sure hope these protestors are super shoppers getting all their soup on BOGO’s … or better yet buying the store brand!
Bang ‘em with the cheap stuff …
Just sayin’ …
Hilarious, especially “According to behind-the-lines field research three major soup brands are reportedly favored by the “street thugs:” Campbell’s for the Cammo Wearers … Progresso for the Progressives … and Chunky for NFL African-American supporters.”
Your imagination defies description. What writing prompt did you start with this time?🤪
Must be all those “losers” and “suckers” chucking this soup stuff. Or, at least, upchucking it after hearing what Herr Trump just called all those killed or wounded while defending our country….President Bone Spur never ceases to amaze me but NEVER in a good way and his “losers and suckers” line truly is the bottom of his orange barrel of his sh**! He really is FUBAR!
LOL! I especially love Improvised Egg Drop (IED) soup!
There you go stirring the pot!