Remember when The Orange One introduced his first totally duplicitous 2020 campaign slogan … “Promises Made Promises Kept?”

I frantically looked for the “kept” part of those promises.  After 30 minutes I quit … realizing the only promise kept was the tax cut for the wealthiest of our nation.

We’re still waiting for his new health care bill … his rescue of our public education system … his “America First” return of manufacturing jobs … his standing up to China … and particularly his promise that “we would get tired of all the winning.”

But … we know who keeps her promises … the great and wondrous “Lady Karma!”

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In a series of spectacular COVID laced events led by The “I’m OK-You’re-Not” Orange One … Lady Karma took the opportunity to wipe out 35+ DC Swamp Denizens who attended the COVID-19 Super Spreaders.

Here’s the “Top Billing” for infected Swampers …

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Promises Kept … Hope Hicks  … the staffer who just can’t stay away from the MAGA Family … returned after her bout with the Mueller Panel only to be crowned as “The 2020’s COVID Queen” … holding the dubious honor as “Super Spreader of the Super Spreader!”  Oooh … Covid Queen a “Big Loser” to the Karma Queen!

Promises Kept … Stephen Miller … the guy who allegedly engineered the Mexico Border “Lock ups” … laces The Orange One’s speeches with racist and white supremacist hate language … whose pregnant wife has already contracted Corona virus. “Stevie Wonder” … you can run but you can’t hide from Lady Karma!

Promises Kept … Kellyanne Conway … who to be fair left the Swamp earlier to “help save her family” … then returned to attend the Rose Garden Spreader … and then infected her daughter … the one she was “trying to save.”  Lady Karma … sometimes she moves on you without even asking!

Promises Kept … Ex-governor of New Jersey Chris Christie … in the hospital after spending up-close-and-personal-time coaching The Orange One on “The-Art-of-Debate-Interruption” … also seen hugging, kissing and interrupting folks in the Rose Garden … Christie – proud owner of several co-morbidities – went directly to the hospital after testing positive.  “Karma, how I love ya, how I love ya … my dear friend Karma!”

Promises Kept … To you enabling senators and congressmen who refused to wear masks and social distance … who ignored the doctors and scientists … who schmoozed through the last 10 days cramming RBG’s replacement down our throats … how does it feel to have Lady Karma bite you on your Coronavirus ass?

Just sayin’ …

According to TS Eliot, April’s the cruelest month … but that’s just not true.

It’s got to be October … October’s the worst … the horrible-est … and has no redemptive value whatsoever!

It’s not because October is the harbinger of winter and all the leaves put on their last great show before a barren nothingness.

It’s not even wondering what a “Covid Trick-or-Treat” would be like.

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Instead it’s all about the invasion of “THE PUMPKIN FLAVANOIDS” … those pumpkin infused products mad-food-scientists spent another year in the top secret labs of “Big Food” developing for us to shove down our gullets!

We were happy with pumpkin flavored coffee … the first of the “Hey-let’s-add-pumpkin-to-that-and-see-if-they’ll-buy-it!” products.

Now you face a landslide of pumpkin flavored offerings … all waving their little burnt orange hands and yelling … “Pick me!  Pick me!”

It’s gotten so bad I’ve developed an emotional allergy to pumpkin pie and pumpkin bread.

I don’t give a shit if it’s from your great-great grandma’s recipe … back when she carted the damn squash from her own patch, grown from last year’s seeds … baked in the oven of a wood burning stove … “before she had ‘lectricity!”

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Lest you think I’m hyperbolating … take a quick look at what some of the pumpkin-crazed-squash-pushers foist on us.

The “I-gotta-have-this-underarm-squash-smell” … yes, you too can smell like the sweetest “pumpkin-in-the-patch” when you slather your pits with “All Natural Pumpkin Spice Latte” deodorant.

“Pumpkin Spice Fish Bait” … your man can “go pro” when he enters his next bass tournament using these pumpkin spice soaked lures … according to fishermen, “It drives those lunkers crazy!”

For the “Phideaux” in your upscale life style … make him sit and “beg” for his own “Pumpkin Cheesecake Dog Biscuits” … woof, woof, my ass!

For those of you who have a dominant Willy Wonka gene … hunt down the  latest M&M seasonal offering … the “Pumpkin Spice Latte M&M” … allegedly the nirvana for “Everyman Chocolate.”  Reported last seen on Target shelves …  “Cheap-Chocolate-Stalkers” claim it’s a “creamy coffee/mocha combo mouth blaster!”

OMG … we won WWll feeding our GI’s 150 million pounds of SPAM … what would they think if they opened that can and chomped down on “Pumpkin Spiced SPAM?”

The real junk-food-junkies … the “Twinkie Set” … enjoy their special 20-year-shelf-life-puffy-log filled with creamy pumpkin spice filling.

And for those of us who still like to wander around in an alcohol stupor … grab a bottle of one of the 20-or-so pumpkin spice vodkas … or my personal fave … Captain Morgan’s “Jack-O-Blast Rum.”

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But, the bottom line in all this … I don’t care how you dress it up … it’s still nuthin’ but a squash.

Just sayin’ …