Life’s been a bit tough for Brood X Cicadas,. Witness …
Re-emergence is hard to do …
We think we had it tough emerging after our COVID isolation … switch places with our friendly Brood X Cicadas!
Brood X’ers did 17 years underground in “the hundred acre wood” … soft loamy dirt with lotsa roots for leisurely munching … a little piece of paradise and a good cicada larva life.
Perfect for 17 year gestation periods. What could go wrong?
Cicada #1: Where are we? What happened to the woods?
Cicada #2: Holy cicada crap … now it’s a 100 acres of asphalt. Where’s Pooh Bear?
C#1: Kee-r-i-i-i-st … where’re our millions of brothers and sisters? All I see is Joni Mitchell’s “paved-over-paradise-parking-lot” … a few scrawny trees in a waste land! What’s a “Dairy Queen” anyway?
C#2: Maybe we made a wrong turn just before we popped out. Uh oh … what’s that monstro rollin’ toward us? Aargh … frump, frump … crunch!
Super-sexed … but no pecker …
Cicada #1: Can you believe? We wait 17 years to get laid and now this happens. There oughta be a law!
Cicada #2: Quit whining and keep shrugging … we got no chance until we’re outta this muck and get some new skin.
C1: I feel weird … kinda like I’m already horny … really horny … you’re even looking good!
C2: Hey, muck breath … take a look in the mirror … “the cicada fungus is amung us!” You may feel horny but your “horn” ain’t beepin’ if ya know what I mean. Half your body’s missing … and I hate to break it to ya … it’s the “horn-half” you’re missin’!
“Let them eat Cicada cakes” …
In a wicked bow to Marie Antoinette and the French Revolution, folks are baking Brood X Cakes. Take this one made with chocolate … which we all know makes everything taste better.
And I do mean everything!
The recipe’s a complicated “made-from-scratch” double chocolate cake slathered with cream cheese amaretto chocolate icing … what’s not to like?
But wait … where’re the effing Cicadas? They’re artfully placed around the base of the cake and pressed into the “chocolatey” top.
That’s a blatant “Where’s the beef?” violation if I’ve ever seen one!
WTF … if you’re gonna feed ‘em a Cicada cake … bake and grind up the little suckers and make your own “Cicada flour” … now we’re talkin’ “real Cicada Cake!”
Otherwise shop local and pick up a “Duncan Hines mix” … cicadas not included!
Or … if you’re into food adventures like my faves … Martha, Rachel, Ina, and Giada … fondue fork the lively little boogers … and trench them through your own bubbly Vesuvius of hot chocolate sauce!
Yummm … chocolate covered cicada … probably tastes like chicken.
Just sayin’ …